This is my diary in a way of my journey that has been waiting to happend for a loooong time. Start of this year I wanted to finally feel better, mentally and physically. I didn’t feel like home in my own skin. I knew what I needed to do but I just didn’t do that… I just wanted to give up and I still do that but I really want to learn new ways of dealing myself, my health, my head, the way I see myself. And I have epilepsy, and I just wanted to get rid of those pills and find a balance to keep it away.
I have been dealing with depression my whole life and in a way it gives you push to give up and you doubt yourself all the time, in the smallest things. I’ve never wanted to take any pills because I thought that someday I have to be able to live without them. But it has pushed me down for so many years and I haven’t done so many things that I would want to. I just never gave myself the chance to actually believe in myself. I have always been good at doing nothing for myself, lying to myself and so on.
It’s always easier to give up than push yourself, that’s for sure!
I just got tired of that, I’m tired of being tired!!
I started my “new” life in the beginning of this year. I watched this food documentary called “Hungry For Change” and it hit me so close that I teared up watching it. I got my first kicks after that, bought the book so that at home I have some tips. Bought Spirulina and Wheatgrass powder and Chia seeds to start detoxing my body. Started making a health smoothie every morning and eating better, then I decided that I want to try running. And I loved it, just got such a rush! And it’s easier at the moment because running has the best rep :).
Everything went well and I started to feel better and better, then after few months had past I suddenly wanted to give up, and I totally did. Pretty quickly I got back to my old bad habits, eating just pure shit, all those things I knew that will make me feel bad in and out, I stopped moving, forgot how good feeling running gave me. And of course on top of those my depression started creeping back and hard…
So now after couple of pretty poopy weeks I wanted to start to get myself back where I was, in my good start 🙂 I also wanted to document my progress, for myself and if I can help someone in a similar situation.
I have couple dreams, for the first time in my life :).
– study Nutrition
– run a Marathon (maybe next year)
– go to San Francisco
– run next to few awesome ladies, Robinnyc & Naivasha 🙂
So this is the first day of my new life and I hope I finally let myself have the chance to make it the best I deserve! 🙂