I did today something that I have never done before, never thought I could do, something that changed me!
I had emotionally hard day, I’m good at those or making myself go too much in my head and loose the focus. I felt like I’m a burden to my boyfriend and what’s hes been going through with me and my depression and not finding my happy. It’s hard to hear and know that you’re not the happy one that someone saw in you in the beginning. Of course I want to be that person again, and firstly for me. I want to be happy!! I have so many many awesome good things in my life, and I don’t know if I know how to appreciate them enough. I don’t think so.
Today was my run day, and already in the morning I knew that I wanted to do a longer run than I had after I started my project. I didn’t know that I would do what I did… I even got my dog to a over night care so I could do this without feeling guilty.
So later tonight I got myself out the door to a route that I have never run before, I wanted to find something new and feel the run differently. And that’s exactly what happened! 🙂
I just ran, past fields, past ponds, had no idea where I was but wanted to get lost, past places I never heard before and in the end past the city line. I felt that I can just go, without thinking even once that I want to quit! I’ve never had that kind of feeling before, I felt new! I just wanted to go further and see new places and get inspired and feel what I had inside at that moment. Pure happiness!!
I probably would have run further but realized that the sun was setting and here it’s completely different than back in Finland in the evening, it’s pitch black! So I turned around and was running into a beautiful sunset, not many things in this life are better than that :).
Somehow I didn’t push myself like crazy, I just enjoyed running. I felt totally different kind of happiness with running, something that I have been searching for. I guess this is the feeling when people say that they have “runners high”. This has to be that! 🙂
When I got home and saw how much I have done, I didn’t believe it. I didn’t understand that I did something like that, ME! I’ve never done anything like this in my whole life, never! I finally crushed fears and doubts about myself. I finally really feel proud of myself and really believe it! I know now that I can do what ever I decide, I don’t have to stay behind my own shadow anymore!
Now my tiny whisper dream of running a marathon is real. It’s not only a dream, it’s a goal that I will do! I’m just so proud of myself! 🙂
In the end of my run this song came and it gave me so much push and I had my favorite person in my mind!❤
Now some serious stretching and massive sleep! 😀