Oh Dear…

My handsome half comes home after 5 weeks tomorrow evening and my head is making so many so weird thoughts!

I’m seriously nervous to see him again, that sounds like this is the second time we see each other… I have all these thoughts going in my head like..
Will he still like me?!?!
Will he think I’m beautiful
Will he see me differently
What if he wants to stay there
And other things that all sounds and are ridiculous…! Or are they? Is it okay to have some fears and doubts after 5 weeks? You stayed at the same place and went through your own journey and he went through his. I love him more than anyone ever before but I have those human questions in my head.

I even had this moment today earlier that, what if he wants so different things all of sudden that our ways go different ways? What if all what he had there was so much better than what he has here? I know that he loves me and he’s thinking of me in ways that I didn’t even knew before. But is it still normal to have fears?

I know that mostly at the moment I’m just so excited and nervous, i can’t wait to see him, my bestfriend!
All these thoughts are my old insecurities trying to run over my current confident and loving feeling towards myself. I don’t like this feeling at all! It reminds me of times that are still too close…
Why can’t I be just extremely happy and excited and in this can’t wait mood, why do I have these stupid things flying in my head?!

I hope that tomorrow when I wake up, I can gather myself in a different and positive way! Not hope,that’s what I will do!! Fuck those fears and doubts! Good night!

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