Oh dreams dreams!
That’s what my head is full at the moment, or it was like that last month but they are way stronger now. I’m dreaming of ultras or ultra marathons. I’m fascinated about them. If something needs will power, it’s running a ultra.
That’s only one thing after Julys project that’s been in my mind, the other has been the fact that I need a new goal or project and then the running has more meaning to me. I realized that after my July, it felt weird just to run, kind of for nothing. Of course it’s not for nothing but I feel that I run better and with a better mind set when I have a goal.
So one evening last week I was talking with one good friend of mine and he gave me an idea or a challenge. To run from August to end of December what I have left from having 1000km all together this year. From start of this year until end of August, I ran 305km, so I have 695km to run. And that’s totally doable. It means around 140km a month. In August I ran 135km, and not at all as much that I had in mind, so it’s doable and I know I can do it. So that’s my new project :).
At the moment I have 34km done for this month and few to go but it feels pretty awesome to have a goal again!
And HE❤ is home, so that makes me extremely happy too :).
There are few things that I needed to let sink in after the half marathon last month and what happened after that. For example, the amount of support and rooting I got during the project. It’s amazing! I always this dream that I wished that if I could inspire even half a person, I would feel like a winner, and that happened! I got the most amazing message on instagram from one girl and it truly humbled me. As an normal person without any special thing in you, or that’s how I felt and that’s why it feels even better to have something like that said to you! And that also gave me a reason to remember why I started, it was because there are people that inspired and motivated me. We have to do this for not only for ourselves but for those who are struggling like we were in the beginning!
I also feel huge gratitude to few people who were there for me every step of my way. My handsome half, without him the whole thing would be harder. Then there is my Hero, RobinNyc. She was there and said those small but huge things to a person who is going through something that I was. I feel that you have to acknowledge those people, because they are there for you. My Mom was pretty awesome too :). And also on the last day I heard that my relatives dog had to put down, and I remember thinking that I ran that for that amazing dog that won’t run here anymore but in a better place. That might sound weird but for me it felt right.
The reason why I’m dreaming about the Ultra is that after and of course during the half marathon you think of things, lot of them, you have time :). But you also realize things about yourself and most of them are about your strength and the proud feeling that you have about yourself at the moment, that also continues in your every day life.
So for me, I’ve never before last month really trusted to myself, like myself let alone loved, said nice and positive things to myself, been proud of myself and more. And all of those changed last month for me. I hope that every one who has some issues with them selves would find something that makes them feel like running makes me. Because you need to feel good about yourself, we have too little time here to feel like shit, that’s for sure.
So I am dreaming about Ultra because like I probably said, it needs more will than anything else, and I really want to challenge myself with something like that. The doubts will always be there, but the way you deal with them is the thing. And I don’t mean that I’m totally changed, not at all, but the progress is on! That’s what I’m proud about, that I took that step in to the right direction.
I also really wish that I never forget what I went through when I first started running, because I see a lot of people running on my runs and I really like the thing that runners say Hi to each other, but I’ve noticed that a lot of advanced runners or how do you want to describe them, don’t say it. Maybe they are so into their practice or so serious about it, or I don’t know but mostly they just look extremely pissed off! There’s no enjoyment on their faces. Or that’s how I see them, maybe I’m totally wrong and I would love to be! But I think it’s important that we keep some traditions like saying Hi to each other alive. It might give you the push that you need on your really hard or bad run, or give that person who just started and is really struggling with those heavy steps, that push and motivation that they didn’t know that they need.
I remember way too well those runs when you feel like shit and think that why on earth I’m doing this to myself! When your fitness level is far from what makes it feel easier. When every run feels like a struggle. But then you get that smiling Hi from someone and it just makes it worth it :). And you keep going and after some time you notice that it doesn’t feel that bad anymore and want to keep going. And I still have those days, like everyone, that it just doesn’t feel good or there is something that is pushing you down, but you keep going because it’s more important to keep going than giving up!
I remember when I was running that half marathon, how my legs were hurting like hell in the last 3 km, it was pure pain, but still you just keep going, stopping is not a option. And if you try, your legs kind of just want to continue. I love that!
I have been secretly dreaming about someday working through this blog, making part of my living out of it. Not sure how but something makes me dream about it. Let’s see if this dream comes true someday :). Or that Ultra dream and my Marathon dream is still there too :). And I’m not allowed to run a Ultra before I ran at least one Marathon, that was said at home :D.
I want to share some things that have inspire me this last week. Some to do with running, something with music and art or something else.