Today happened something that made me feel like I’ve dropped of the edge of the world. Pure panic and “what will I do now” came flushing over me like a tidal wave.

In the morning I decided to put my apps on my phone to the newest versions and bought some songs from Itunes and after that all of sudden I decided to upload the new software, knowing that I should save all the things from my phone that I don’t want to loose on my computer. Did I do that, no. I just put the thing in motion and ended up with a dead phone, because of some error…

So… pure panic, phone calls (I have another phone, because the phone that I use most is Sim locked and I only use it basically as a computer) to my bf, few curse words and then just a moment of shitshitshit.

It took me about 20min before I realized that this is one of the best things that happened to me in a while!! Yeah, the first things that came to my mind was that, damn all of my almost 2000 photos are gone. And then the next thing was that shit, I can’t get my km from my running because of my running app and after that it was the panic of loosing all the music. And Instagram, I love me some Instagram!!

Something has definitely changed in me, if I’m able to calm down and see some positive in this. I want to be sure that I use only Me/My/I version in this text, because what ever someone else feels or does in this situation is their thing and because I can’t get away from my stupidity and what ever is coming. This is who I am, what I’m sadly addicted and what I do, not we.

I am more addicted to my Iphone than I thought. Few years ago I didn’t even wanted a smartphone because I hated how people are with them. Then because of some bullshit reason I got one, and there went me too.
I am exactly like “those” people, always staring at my phone, like the real world is passing me by if I don’t know all the time what has happened. Which we all know is pure shit, nothing is passing us by while we don’t check our phones. I even bitch to my bf that he shouldn’t do it but of course I do it… Any ridiculous double standard there?!

I think I knew those few years ago that I will be like the people I don’t like with their phones but it’s easier to cave in in these things. Technology makes some things easier and can help us in many ways. I come from Finland which is in many ways a lot in head of things that many other countries, for example where I live now, Germany. There are things that I find really old fashioned and made hard, just because I’m used to something else.

I think I’m full of double standard too when it comes to these things. I like to think that I’m not like all others, I don’t like to keep my phone voice on, I never would speak in a public transportation, not really like to do it otherwise publicly because I don’t think my business is others at all. I like actually to have real human contact not only through some service, which is really funny to say because most of my closest or the most important friends to me are only available to me through some media service, because I live in another country than they. So I have gained some amazing contacts through some media services, but it has also taken me further of those real contacts.

In my journey to a better me, one thing has been the ability to calm down and enjoy simple and little things. I know that I have gotten better at it, but today I got good lesson in it with this phone thing. After realizing that there is nothing I can do and that I just have to wait for my bf to come home and try to fix it ( thank you for those skills), and that I also just have to go on with my life, I decided to go out for a long walk with my dog. Amazing idea which ended up me wanting to write about these feelings and thoughts that this subject brought up with me.

I always have my headphones on when I step out of the door, always! When I’m walking, running, riding my bike, walking with the dog, always. Know that I’m writing it here, it sounds so ridiculous. I don’t have them on if I’m with another person, that is little bit too much, but I have this need of being able to me on my own world and not hear what happens around me. Why?

Mostly because I don’t need to hear what other people do or talk, most of it is just things that I would never want to know. I love to listen to music, but is that good enough reason to not be open to what is going around me? I don’t think so.

One thing that came to my mind on my walk today without anything holding my senses, was that I am really vocal person. I talk a lot, since I was small. I’m able to say how I feel and those things are easy for me, I have loud voice and when I get excited it’s even louder. But there is this other side in me, which loves to stay quiet.

Other thing that I was thinking was that I am always in this mental hurry, because I’m used to everything being available, something happening all the time, something to look all the time, something different all the time to wire your brain. Not basically letting it rest and enjoy for any second.

How awesome was it to hear all the tiny and loud noises outside in the woods! Yesterday I said to my bf that I have to be able to conquer my fear of darkness and forrest together if I want to run an Ultra Marathon. But why am I so afraid of letting all those things come to me in their real way? It’s good for your soul to hear wind, water in rivers, dogs, birds, what ever. It’s good for the soul!

But why am I in a hurry all the time. Why do I need to know something all the time. Why I need to maybe share something? Why?

If I’m able to enjoy many things and have that smile on my face with music, could it be even better without? Probably…

I used to read a lot more than I do now, I have no idea really why I don’t read as much now, but I should. I love the way you get lost in a book. How you can learn something new with the real experience, not through internet. I love the smell of books. I would never want to read a book from some tablet. NO.

That is one thing I want to challenge myself to do more. There are many books that I really want to read, so let’s go!

If and when my phone starts to work again and when I can go back to my beloved Instagram, my life will go on, but I don’t want it to be the same. This is a time for me to learn something new and challenge myself. I want to try to use that device less, maybe try to have just some time in a day that I’m allowed to do it, because I will survive without it easily. Run without music and get to know the sounds and everything that is around me in a forrest, road, where ever I’m running. Just hear the world and be calmer. There are times when I can put those headphones on and listen my favorite music, but I don’t have to do it all the time. I don’t need to push all humane things as far as I can and live my life in a bubble, because that happens to us when we always have some kind of block around us.

I just want to learn something from this, not just go back to that same old ways. I don’t need to be like everyone else, while I can still have some of those things, and put photos on Instagram if I want to or write to my abroad living friends. That’s okay, but not all the time and they will be there few hours later or few days or weeks, and still I’m able to live my life.

More real, less blocking!

If I have wanted to live by the motto of “less is more”, then I have to do it every way, not just on those things I feel nicest. If I’m able to live with small amount of stuff, I’m able to live with small amount of time with my phone, that’s for sure.

More running, yoga, pilates, love, dog, friends, experiences. More real!

There’s really good video about this, and it has a good point, I could relate, even before my phone broke down ;).

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