Home?

After living on your own for almost 10 years and then moving back to your parents place for some time, it just doesn’t feel right.
Then on top of that weirdness, the place has never been your home. So basically you’re a guest in somewhere that has no emotional reminder for you. You feel extremely outside in that family that is supposed to be yours. I’ve always had that feeling in this place, I just don’t belong here.
On top of me living on my own for so long, my sibling and me, we have 13 years between us, so the life that you were used to with all is gone. Things change a lot in 10 years.
A lot of times I feel like no one truly knows me. They haven’t been under the same roof for so long. I have my own rules and ways of doing things and they have theirs and most of the time it’s really far from each other.
Back home with my Bf we have this easyness of things because we know each others ways but here all that is gone. You feel like you’re on their way. And you feel that you can’t relax completely.
It’s also hard because I really feel that all that hard work that I’ve done is invisible here. It’s not a nice feeling. I love my family but I’m tired of feeling like an outsider. And it’s not a new feeling, this place makes me feel like that.
Does anyone else have this feeling that after being away for some years, your own family don’t really know you?
In the same way that I feel that about them, I don’t feel that I really know them either. And this is nothing like that I don’t like them or that I would have dome hattred towards them or some judging this or that. These are things that I have inside of me.
I’ve also noticed that it’s really easy for me to think less positive about myself and things in general here. I’m not sure if it’s this place or just Finland. There was a big reason for me to move away little over a year ago. Yesterday is was in the coty and I had this thought… Is it possible to be happy here?
I have huge support and loved feeling when being in the same place with my Bf, I don’t think the “bad” things that much and even if I think I manage to think positive first and more. I don’t think it would matter where I would be living with him but he is my Rock with just being. And it’s not that I can’t live without him, but of course that kind of general feeling pushes you way more than what I feel here.
It’s also sad that there is something that can make us feel so different.
I know all that work that I’ve done and I’m proud as fuck! But why the surroundings can push you down so that it’s hard for you to be that amazing positive and trusting person.
I know that in Finland you’re not supposed to think as much good about others as I do or be so positive as I am in a way in Germany… But why does it have to be like that?! Why things snd people here have to be so depressive and don’t ever think that you can do this or that?
I’m extremely lucky to have couple of the most positive people as my best friends! Thank you and I love you!! You keep pushing me!!❤️
So the challenge for myself is to keep that person in me that I’ve worked hard towards and just forget the people who don’t want to see the change in me. That’s their problem not mine. I don’t understand most people most of the time, and I’m glad I don’t have to. I don’t understand my family most of the time but I still love them. I just wish that we all could give a chance to each other and see the good first and then if we need, the bad. That includes me!

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