This new life of mine and all the changes kind of gave me no calm moment to settle infront of the computer. But I am still here :). And there’s so much to write but I try to squeeze it all to a little sensible post :).Also, I decided while I was back home in Finland for a week before my big move to Copenhagen, that I would not care about any posting, only about being with my family and friends, and I think that is very valid reason to not update your blog.This change has been so much like whirlwind that I still don’t understand everything and I think that is a good thing. Though I don’t either really give any credit for the fact that I jumped again to unknown life. Others around me seem to give me credit, but me… nope. I don’t seem to see it the same way, I really wish that one day I could really give myself a pat in the back and be like “hey, you are quite amazing for doing these things!”. Also, I expect so much from myself that I think I stress about things that don’t matter on any level. And I’m terrified to let others down who gave me this chance. So easy going here ;).Also, now when it’s time to start push forward with this new life and find a job and get my life in that order that I have dreamed and hoped for quite some time, I am so afraid. I have been away from normal worklife for few years, and now even when I know that I know and am good at things, it’s scary. I think my old self is pushing this “you can’t”so hard and my new self isn’t the strongest on this matter, that I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. But I know I can, and I know I can push through from that old doubt. Or if I’m not sure, at least I am willing to try my hardest. Only a year ago, I wouldn’t believe in any of those words, now I have to, I’ve shown it to myself so many times. For god’s sake, I bloody jumped again and moved to another city/country, just because I knew that I don’t have any other choice!This place is actually pretty amazing! Copenhagen is so beautiful, the sea is there, my seagulls. I can breath here, I feel safe, my dog can be safe. There’s so many new things and places to look at. Beautiful people all around. People smile if you look at them. How nice is that?! And btw, I have the most amazing adopting family, these peeps are just love! Couldn’t ask for any more loving surroundings to start my life here. And also to have people to run with, dream come true.But I do also feel alone, it’s all this new that makes you feel weird and just scared at what is coming at moments. But that’s probably normal in a situation like this…My running or more like my marathon training has taken also a little bit of a backseat place the past weeks but I feel that I am getting back on track. I have to give myself a change in not expecting too much and finding ways to enjoy something that I love the most. It’s too easy to forget to do what you love when you are inside of all new. Not expectin too much and not being too hard on yourself is damn hard. The thing is that at the same time while I do those things, I feel really numb and uncapable of doing anything, I hate that feeling. I really have to remind myself a lot that I bloody can!!
So, pardon my french, calm the fuck down and take one step at a time. Day at a time. One run at a time. One new thing at a time. And I would assume that soon I realize how much I’ve done. Just give yourself a chance!