Meaning so many good and exciting things that I’ve forgotten what makes me feel deeply good and calm, and jumped on to this adrenaline roll and pushed on like a little steam train. In the expense of my health and happiness. But sometimes not getting what you want is the only way to go forward.
Last week I was on my happy cloud, but forgot to eat and sleep enough and my body and mind tried to tell me but I wasn’t listening any of that, so Friday my whole body shut down for the day. And I finally listened. It made me stop and think again what I’m doing and how.
I am a stubborn one, and I seem to keep this aspect of myself with myself through everything. Maybe I’m a bit better in it but still I get these moments when I’m wondering how far I need to go before I remember to listen to my body, who just happens to be wayyyy smarter than me.
I also noticed that I am so desperate to have some normality in my life that I was willing to do anything. Not that that was expected from me, but I made myself think that.
But when I forgot the things that are important to me, that bring me peace and power, running and writing. I am doomed. Those are the things that have given me new life and all of sudden I forgot them. I am actually quite disappointed in myself, because I’ve worked so damn hard to get myself away from that kind of neglecting. But then again, I can’t punish myself for something I know that I can change.
The thing is, that I’ve been living my life so differently the past two years and now I’m trying to adjust to all this new, good and bad, mostly just challenging. But the hardest part is to keep listening to myself and have enough alone time to do the things that keep me balanced. And that is a challenge, but I’m willing to take that one on too. One step at a time, learning something every step.
Remember to be healthy selfish and take those precious moments for yourself. Sometimes that moment when you feel that you lost something, it might be a blessing in disguise.