The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner

Like the book title says, even though I haven’t read that particular one.

There’s something pleasant about ultra training, not the same pressure as with big road races. In a way, no one cares what you do. You can train on your own, at your own pace.

But it also makes this all a bit more lonely. And the more I have friends all over the world, the lonelier this feels. Training alone without friends to run with is getting me down, for the first time. Before this I haven’t ever really thought about it, yes a little of course but not in a way that it’s getting me down… Now I feel that I miss all my friends like crazy.

Maybe it’s because I’m feeling more and more that I’m not supposed to live in Finland more than I need to. I’m noticing how my whole being wants to go already, though I know that I’m not yet. The next time I am leaving, I’m going to do it with a proper planning and smart approach. I’ve tried the other way of leaving and it’s not the way I want to do ever again.

I think I might be a bit depressed by my surroundings. Winter in Southern Finland isn’t that amazing, most of the time it’s just slush and ice all over the place. Trails around me are so icy that it’s almost impossible to run them and seeing photos of people running on beautiful trails around the world. I’m trying to make the best of what I have but there are moments when it’s just so bloody hard. And now is one of those days.

I’ve probably just had too rough of a week behind. Dehydrated for sure. A lot of dealing with my own fears and hurdles. Amazing moment with the longest run. Food choices that don’t make any sense. And because of them, the worst feeling ever.

I know this is a journey, and that I should try to keep my focus on the big picture but oh my it’s hard at times. I do have amazing support, but the thing is that majority of it is physically away from me and I’m really missing my support in real life. I have a major deficiency for hugs :(.

But the good thing is that I’ve been getting back to training and done way more strength training than before, and I’m feeling the benefits already. I’m getting in that training mode, even if it feels hard. It’s for the right way on my journey. I have to remember that it’s okay to feel down at times, it’s natural in this situation but I don’t need to let it eat my happiness all the way.

I saw this amazing note to self photo today…IMG_6527

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