It’s kind of that “if you love her enough, you let her go”. I think I’ve finally done that to myself. And it has been very needed.
At times admitting to yourself what you knew already, is the hardest. And it took me quite some time to admit few things, last Sunday I finally let myself free. It wasn’t easy and oh my, I tried to talk myself out of them so much and with so ridiculous arguments. In the end, I deserved that verbal bitch slap that I got from my friend. Needed, yes, and boom I was free.
I’ve always been the worst to myself when it comes to ME being happy and I’ve always worried so much what others will say and will I hurt their feelings. I’m working on this, and I feel that I’m a lot better these days, but it’s still not easy for me.
But for me to go forward, I kind of have to be nicer and more attentive to myself, not caring what others think of my decisions. In the end, I am the one I need to please and make happy.
And sometimes that change can happen in a click of fingers, you thought that all you planned was exactly how you wanted and boom! It’s all changed and you know that none of that old is right anymore. That happened to me, hard! But oh it felt so good!
It felt and feels good, but I still have that doubt in the back of my head of what others will think of this and that… Does it matter, no. Why do I care, because I’m deep down still a people pleaser. Am I getting any better at this, YES! And that’s what I need to remember.
In the end we are here to make our own life happy, and when we are happy we’re able to be for others too. And if I don’t make choices that I’m proud and happy to walk forward with, it just doesn’t work. So I have to put myself first, that’s just how it is.
Breaking from those old patterns to new is hard and takes time, but I’m taking steps every day and I am proud of my struggle. This is my life, no one else’s and I have to respect myself enough to give the best time here. If I don’t, none of my goals, dreams and hopes come true, that simple.
So I’m loving myself enough to let myself fly free and do what I feel is the best!