My summer of ’15 has been so much!
Yesterday I realized that it’s only been little over two months since I moved to Copenhagen, even though I feel like it’s been a year or something. When stuff is really happening, we tend to forget that it’s good to put things into perspective and think of the time that really has passed and understand to be a bit nicer to ourselves. Time goes so fast by these days that certain things feel a lot harder than they should. Something that is hard feels to be dragging on forever and then you realize that it has only been a month, which in the grand scheme of things is nothing. So I had to do a little Note To Self on Monday, when life felt like the hardest ever and all had fallen on me and nothing felt like it’s going to be okay.
“We tend to forget that baby steps still move you forward.”
All in all, I’ve definitely had the best summer of my life. It does contain some of the hardest times too, but I have to put them all into perspective and realize that it has been a very short period of time and so so much has happened. Patience is needed, I guess. I’ve got to start a new life in new country, got so many amazing new friends, missed my old ones like crazy, gone to an amazing trip almost around the world with my family, fallen in love, cried a lot, laughed even more, hugged as much I can, had to make the hardest decision of my life and give up my dog for the best of us both, thought that everything is okay only to realize that everything is different that I thought. Fallen down, literally and metaphorically, and always climbed back up, no idea how at times. But I have, and even though I don’t feel like that now, I know that I will do it again and again.
I’ve noticed, even more than before, that we as humans these days, want everything to happen NOW, not tomorrow or later, now. And that means that we have no patience or understanding that certain things take time. Shit gets real and we have to be respectful of what is going on, not just rush through it all. Just to be clear I do suck at this at times, a lot. We also tend to always let other people affect our happiness, while forgetting that when they hurt us, it’s usually their own pain coming to us. We all deserve to be happy and loved, that’s it.
I’ve had a hell of a year, and when I was thinking of all the things that has happened… I feel very lucky to be this okay with myself and all that has happened. I could be in a mess of a place with myself, but I’ve managed to get stronger and more and more okay with myself and what is happening around me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t freak out at times, hell no, and Oh I do! But if I compare how I dealt with things last year, there’s a huge difference to a better.
What I wish from myself now, is that I give myself time to be patient and loving, not only to others but to myself too. Good things take sometimes a bit more time to than the ones that doesn’t matter in the end. I can let people mess me up, but I’m the one in the end who is in charge of what is going on in my life. It’s okay to feel like shit and like everything is just the worst ever, but I don’t want to stay in that for too long, as it just drags me to my old depressive ways. Not a place I want to visit if I don’t need. I still need to remind myself that me being happy is my own decision, nothing to do with others. I still want to keep certain people in my life, and leave certain out, for my own good. I still am willing to fight for the things I believe in, and not just give up once the going gets tough. And I will love, that’s it.
So, it’s only been couple of months, and so much has happened. That doesn’t mean that I have to freak out. I can try to be thankful for all of it and let it sink in. Whatever has been going on, there’s still been way more good than bad. In all honesty I do feel like the luckiest girl in the world after this summer. And with all in it, I would not change a thing.
I want to keep believing in the good, love like I have, work on my patience. It’s going to be okay.