It’s so close to a year since I lost my Grandma. I look at the calendar and remember too well how these days felt last year.

A year ago after she passed away, I made a decision of running the Copenhagen Half in her memory. And this year, I will do the same. Now only less than a month to go to that day, I am feeling really anxious at times when running. I feel like I am not sure what the feelings I have inside of me are.

She was the first family member that I lost, that meant so much to me. Kind of one of those who you think will never die, but then she was gone.

I remember the last time I was with her, little over a year ago, just before I moved the first time to Copenhagen. She said to me that I need to be brave and really make this happen for myself. I deserve to be happy and have a life that I want. Last year I didn’t have that all in me, now I do but I am terrified if I will make it really happen.

And in a way that fear makes me mad, because she believed in me, which was a bit of a confusing thought after all she knew I had gone through and done.

But that is what I should believe myself, to believe that I do deserve all the happiness and what I wish to have in my life. I’ve gone through a lot to be where I am, so it’s my time.

I am running for her again, the only roadrace that I am running this year, giving the medal to my Grandpa, because it’s not about me and it means a lot more to give it to him. I have no idea how this year will go, I want to make her proud and I know that I will, by just trying my best.

I love you and miss you like no one else. You are always with me. ❤

Just before last years race, when all of the tears and hurt came out at once.