Almost A Year, Since…

It’s so close to a year since I lost my Grandma. I look at the calendar and remember too well how these days felt last year.

A year ago after she passed away, I made a decision of running the Copenhagen Half in her memory. And this year, I will do the same. Now only less than a month to go to that day, I am feeling really anxious at times when running. I feel like I am not sure what the feelings I have inside of me are.

She was the first family member that I lost, that meant so much to me. Kind of one of those who you think will never die, but then she was gone.

I remember the last time I was with her, little over a year ago, just before I moved the first time to Copenhagen. She said to me that I need to be brave and really make this happen for myself. I deserve to be happy and have a life that I want. Last year I didn’t have that all in me, now I do but I am terrified if I will make it really happen.

And in a way that fear makes me mad, because she believed in me, which was a bit of a confusing thought after all she knew I had gone through and done.

But that is what I should believe myself, to believe that I do deserve all the happiness and what I wish to have in my life. I’ve gone through a lot to be where I am, so it’s my time.

I am running for her again, the only roadrace that I am running this year, giving the medal to my Grandpa, because it’s not about me and it means a lot more to give it to him. I have no idea how this year will go, I want to make her proud and I know that I will, by just trying my best.

I love you and miss you like no one else. You are always with me. ❤

Just before last years race, when all of the tears and hurt came out at once.

Just before last years race, when all of the tears and hurt came out at once.

 

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