I’ve always listened to my gut feeling, always. If I have, my life has gone to a better direction, if I haven’t well… I always know that I should have. This past Monday I just knew what I need to do, no questions, I just knew.
I’ve gone through enough to be able to admit that it’s my time to leave or change something, this was one of those times. After losing my job and still be very much without a permanent place to live, and fall rolling fast on us, I had to do some hard math of my life and think what is the best thing to do now.
Always before, everytime, if I’ve even had to think about going back to Finland, I’ve felt like I’m a failure. Never before since I moved away from there the first time, have a I felt that it’s for the best and actually felt excited about it. Obviously I’ve changed, life changes you if you let it and listen. So I think that my whole attitude about going back is different. More open to what will come and how I can use that time, how long it may be to the best I can.
One of the biggest reasons for me to do this, is that I am so utterly tired of struggling all the time and really, really want to get my life in a little more balanced place. Not physically, just to be clear. That part is pretty much okay :). But I am turning 32 next March and I have no interest in being in the situation I have been now for too many years any longer if it’s possible for me to change it all. So the adult realist in me knows that this is the best thing to do, I’m not failing at anything, I’m doing the smart decision for myself.
“Good instincts tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out.”
– Michael Burke
It was almost funny who the first people I told or talked about this whole feeling of moving, all of them were my closest friends who happen to live very far from me. That showed me, good that it did, that my friends are in my heart and no matter how far, they are in my life where ever I live. Because I remember last year when I felt that I had to move back to Finland that I am losing out on my friendships by being so “far” from them… What I learned during my time in Finland is that I have super close and great friends there, that I have missed a lot here in Copenhagen, and what I’ve learned here in Copenhagen is that my friendships are truly all over the world and the ones that matter are there no matter what. That’s the great thing about social media and emails and text messages and whatever we have these days.
I was also thinking that maybe I was meant to go back to Finland, for the reason that I still have some unresolved issues about that place. I’ve been so negative about it and haven’t really given myself a chance to figure out why. The truth is that I have been running away from myself since I left Finland the first time. I’ve definitely found myself a lot during these years, but I think there’s a little piece missing and I have a feeling that that is my attitude towards Finland. I need to solve that puzzle and then I am free to really go wherever my heart desires. And actually feel ready and free at that place, no idea what it will be. I have a feeling that my nomad side is not ready to settle down completely yet. There’s too many places that I need to see and experience, already thinking of the next place I need to visit…
That’s actually one of my favorite things in life these days, the people I have in it from so many different places and really around the world. They open up the world to me in a whole new way and make it so much more interesting. It doesn’t really give you a chance to be content with something you’ve known always, it makes this whole experience so much richer! And definitely once you start selfishly “deleting” the ones that aren’t good for you and keeping the ones that make you feel good and surround yourself with positive vibes close, damn this all makes it worth and more! You just need to be brave, ask for help, and really be open to whatever, life is pretty damn amazing when you let yourself do that!
So next week when I’m flying back to Finland, I am ready for whatever is coming my way, will work harder than ever before for my own happiness, letting people make my life richer, reminding myself that this is not even the breaktime, this is the beginning of all the best things that are coming up!
Now it’s a time for me to enjoy my last week in Copenhagen, spend time with the ones I love, have an actual farewell party for myself, because I am so damn lucky to have so amazing ones in my life that they want to spend a little time with me like that before I leave ❤ ! Life will always work out if you let it, that’s what I’ve learned!
“I’m so proud of you
Everything’s adding up, you’ve been through hell and back
That’s why you’re bad as fuck…” Drake knows!