How Does It Feel When…

IMG_0752-0Yep, how does it feel when you just wait to move again, wait to get going. It sucks!

It’s only few days since I made the decision to move back to Finland, but now that I’ve made it I just want to go and not wait any longer. I kind of hate this “in between” time because it makes you go through and think about so many things about the whole decision. Maybe a good thing, but I’m more about okay I know what I want to do so can we just do it NOW!

There was a reason why I wanted to have little time before I fly back, main reason was that I actually have some amazing friends in Copenhagen that I wanted to see and spend time with before I go. This might sound really rude or sad, whether you take it, but I haven’t had that before this year. I had it in Finland, but those people are my old friends that I’ve gone through a lot of life before so I knew that they’ll be there, a great thing to have in your heart. This time it’s different, these people are new and so dear to me. We’ve built our friendships fast but know that we’ll have that friendship there after we live in different countries. This probably happened because I was finally ready to let people in my life and share my life with them. I haven’t been too good in that before. Copenhagen did some good to me.

Now I’m just ready to go.

After seeing some of those friends earlier this week, and realizing that okay in just a week I’ll be back home, I started going through thoughts about if I’ve done the right decision. It always happens. You feel so damn loved and happy and slowly the notion of you really going creeps in and you just think, shit.

I will miss my people, the fact I can’t just text them and see them in couple of days. But this time I know that they’ll be there, wherever I am. And the flight from Helsinki to Copenhagen isn’t that long.

But then after being on my own for a bit, going through my stuff that should fit in that one bag again, I feel more and more ready for this move. I think about the fact that I can just spend some proper sister time with my little sis, something I’ve missed here like crazy at times. I can run on the trails that I’ve missed so much here. I can go to the supermarket, this is funny, and get all the greens I’ve missed. From all the places I’ve lived, Finland still has the best green sections at supermarkets! Being able to go to sauna when I want, best. Seeing my family. Seeing my friends in Helsinki, so good. So many other things obviously. One of them is to be able to talk in Finnish, I don’t miss it too often but once I’m used to using my own language again, I absolutely love it. Though I still use English as my number one, it’s just easier for me.

I’m just ready to go.

I have less than a week to go, but I just want to go now. I really wished that I would’ve woken up today at my parents home, nowhere else. I was almost a bit bummed when I realized that I still have few days. I kind of hate this in between feeling.

I’m not sure always if I’ll ever find the place I’m supposed to stay. Or is it even a place that makes me feel at home? I think I know that my friends are in my heart, wherever I live, so that’s not a problem. I also do know that I really wish to have that feeling of feeling content somewhere, to an extend that I can settle down. I think once I’ve left the first time, I’ll have that nomad in me that yearns to know more and see other places. I also do know that I wish that I could spend my Sundays next to someone special. Sundays are somehow special to me, they are supposed to be spend with that person. Sundays are for cuddling, long walks, good food, reading all the books, talking, maybe watching some american football. Just simple pleasures in life.

The anticipation of all of this new again, makes me want to jump out of my skin. I absolutely hate this waiting time, I just want to get going. I hate this feeling of needing to get my stuff together, in that one bag, and hope that they will fit in the kilos at the airport.

In the same time, I love this because it makes me think what is really important to me. It makes me prioritize my belongings and again, realize that no actual matter makes me happier than the people I have in my life. So even if I would lose all that fits in that one bag, I would be happy.

But, in the end, I am just ready to go. This time I have so much to look forward to, it’s different than ever before. It’s the time when I know that I’ve done absolutely the right decision for myself and that makes me feel impatient and ready at the same time.

So few more days and Finland here I come! I know that the last days here will be filled with so much love that it will carry me over a lot! ❤

PMA ❤

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