Today was a HUGE Note To Self, I haven’t been running basically at all in the last month, just working my ass off. Doing something I absolutely love, but all is new, I need to be like a sponge every day to be able to keep up with the pace we go forward, still loving it and trying learn more and more all the time. But I just forgot something very damn important while doing that. If I put taking care of my body and mind in the backseat, it will kick me hard soon enough.
“Don’t try so hard to fit in and certainly don’t try so hard to be different… Just try hard to be you.”
I’ve finally found something that I am really good at, workwise, so obviously when I was given the opportunity to work in a company I can put all my skills to use, I did not hesitate. But because I jumped in straight to the deep end, I just lost the yearn and need to move in a way that I used to use as a saviour and the one thing that kept me going.
Today I noticed really how much the lack of moving had done to me, I was anxious, felt negative and ready to snap. I’ve felt all of those growing in me for some time, but just decided to ignore them and push on. Well my body is smarter than me.
What my body and mind needs, is running at least three times a week, no matter what. Because basically if I don’t I just become a unpleasant dickhead with no patience, if not to other then to myself for sure, which is not really any better. My headspace is not really equipped to handle all the excitement, stoke level, new challenges without any outlet.
This all is a learning curve for me. This is the first time when I am comfortable with who I am, the real me and really love that me, that I have a job that I am really good at and getting better and really love doing, I have friends all over the place, I have A life. And I had a way to balance my life, but I managed to forget that I actually need it to be a constant in my life, not just sometimes.
I definitely learned a valuable lesson today. If I don’t run, not only my body changes but my mind is honestly about to explode. I need that release to cope with what world is throwing at me.
“Forgive yourself. Not just once. Again, and again, and again. As many times as it takes to find peace.”
Without running, I wouldn’t be able to do my job, I need those moments of creating things in my mind while my body pushes on and sweats the extra stress out. So if I want to really be good at my job, I need to run. Or do anything physical.
And I went for a run, and it was cold and pitch dark and rainy, and I loved every damn step of it. I needed that fucking run. I needed to feel all of that to remember why I started and found myself and woke up to this insanely amazing life of mine.
At least three times a week, no less, maybe more. That is the deal I have with myself now. A deal that I need to keep, because it’s about me and my own happiness and health, and those things really should be the most important ones.
Thank you body and mind for pushing me to the corner hard enough for me to understand what I need to do. Thank you!
I promise to be better and love you both more.
LOVE. FORGIVE YOURSELF. PMA ❤