Less Is More, Once Again…

“Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Take a breath. You’ll be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time.”

– Louis C.K.

I’ve definitely felt a bit unsure and lost lately with myself. There was a moment of time when I just couldn’t point to what it was that was making me feel like that. And then it hit me, there’s been way too much stuff going on and I haven’t truly respected my sensitive and introverted side.

So without really thinking that this is what I need to do, this weekend I just spend time with myself, doing things that make me feel good and more at peace.

The fact that this world moves so fast and you feel a lot of times that you have to be ON all the time, can feel suffocating and so tiring. Especially if you’ve gone through something big in a span of really little time. Like I did just a week ago. For a while I’ve felt like I need to calm certain parts of my life to be able to be good at what I do and want to do. But I felt lost at how to do that simple thing.


by Nayyirah Waheed

Yesterday evening it hit me, with the most peaceful way possible. I was doing something that I’ve wanted to do so many times, but just have pushed away. I cleaned my phones photos of all that is ready to be deleted. Over 500 photos. While I was doing that, I wrote down on my notebook those quotes and poems and whatever I had screenshots of. When I was writing them down, I noticed how much I’ve changed in the span of the time I’ve saved them on my phone. It was exhilarating writing certain ones down and just deleting some with the notion that that is not me anymore. Same went with certain photos. It was good to go through them and in a way let go of those things that needed just that.

But what was even more important to notice was that I needed to be on my own and have no distractions around me except the ones I’ve chosen to have. Listening to my favorite music, vibing at times to it. Writing my own things down. Having that quality time with yourself when you truly are enjoying your own company.

I also realized that the fact that I wasn’t doing really anything on my computer was a big part of that peaceful feeling in me. Earlier during the day I had read multiple articles that I’d saved and at times wondered if I ever get around to really read them, now I did. And not doing anything else than that was freeing. I needed that small detox from the super fast paced world that makes us believe that we need to be there and ON all the time. It’s super hard to move on and find who you are when you are bombarded with information all the time. It’s easy to get lost in that all. I certainly did. It’s like you need to be hungry to all of it all the time to be able to be productive, but what it’s really doing is eating your interest in anything properly.

I’ve been really yearning for my old want to write and get things out of my chest in that way, I’ve missed my peace. I’ve felt lazy and super unproductive. And what that week alone in Stockholm woke in me, was that I need that alone time with nothing distracting me. Which is hard to do as I’m still so much of a creature of certain habits. I check my Instagram very often and when I don’t I feel all confused and like I’ve missed so much, when all I am is tired of scrolling through something that I’ve been able to live without while they’ve been posted. Life goes on without me being ON. Which can be scary but at the same time it’s so freeing. But this weekend I had almost like a mini detox from it all. I also had the courage to say to two of my friends I had plans with that, I’m sorry but I need to be on my own now. Something that felt a bit hard to say because I didn’t want to let them or our plans down but knew that I just wouldn’t be good company now if I won’t be on my own enough. Thankfully they understood.

I’ve been thinking a lot of how I am able to be both of “me” at the same time, how am I able to bring together those different sides of me that I’m not always sure how to even be. But feel that I am both without the need to compromise. That’s a thing I have almost like a goal for this year to figure out and get to know myself in that way that I am able to “jump” from one to another without confusion and a feeling that it’s wrong.

It’s easy for me to feel that I need to compromise with them, not being brave enough to be both at the same time. So it’s a learning process. Just like it’s a learning process for me to take my own time without feeling guilty about it.

When you get to know yourself better and better, you stumble across these moments when you realize that you need some planning on how to live your life to be able to live it the way you feel the right for you. And I’ve never been big on planning and now I almost crave some guidance in how I can plan my time better to get those moments of nothing for myself too. Not doing anything moments, without feeling guilty about them.

There’s something really sacred in those moments. Whether you spend them just being, or reading those articles you’ve saved, or that book you’ve decided you read this month, or listening to music, or going for a run. But without them I would be useless in other moments when I need to be able to productive and able to do what I need to do. I am learning, the hard way, how that all works. Slow and steady but getting closer to what works with me the best.

Whether it means that I spend less time on my computer or plan my days better or clear the clutter on my surroundings and while doing that feel clearer in my head, I need to do it. I want to be productive at work without any extra clutter messing my head, and then I want to be able to not be tired afterwards because of the pure amount of stimulus coming from all over the place. I want to be able to be with my friends and not have to cancel plans because I haven’t been on my own enough. Balance is the key and I am in serious need of learning that once more.

Here’s to mistakes and learning from them. Realizing that you’re only a human and that’s okay. ❤

“The biggest lesson I’ve learned is it’s okay. It’s okay for me to be kind to myself. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to get mad. It’s okay to be flawed. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to move on.”

– Hayley Williams


From #goals2015 To #cultureyear2016

img_2959I started last year with my first ever goals that I was adamant in actually doing and finishing. So I wanted something for this year that would fulfil me in that same way, even though they have nothing with each other. At all.

My last year was all about running until the last months. I was about running, my being was about it, it gave me the escape and therapy for all those things I was running away from and trying to deal at the same time. I had lost my Granma few months before the year ended and just in the start of the year a long relationship ended. I felt that running was the thing I could deal and heal from those. I felt strong and free and like I can go on, when I ran. I might have been broken and ripped open but when I ran I was okay, or maybe not always okay at all but I was moving and believing in myself even if I didn’t believe in many others at all. I felt so alone but so fucking capable and like a warrior queen at the same time. Weird combination but it made me do things I’ve never done before.

In the first months, actually three, I ran my longest run 30km, then the next month my first Marathon distance and the third my first Ultra. Alone, one Sunday, just running 50km because I wanted to show myself that I can. And I did it. On my own, like I felt that I need to. And then just couple of weeks later I ran my first official Ultra and it went so wrong haha. I still remember how I cried on this cliff next to the sea and was so miserable because all of my big dreams of that one went so sour. But I didn’t quit. That was then and still is the biggest thing for me. I have always been a quitter but I didn’t then and haven’t after that.

My original plan and goal for 2015 was to run three trail Ultras, I did that! I actually completed something I set out to do! Still pretty damn amazed and proud of myself!

Now that my few last months have been all about something else than running, I felt that I want to find my old passions again, some things that I’ve always loved but haven’t done in so long.

Because of my job, I got the opportunity to remember my other, long lost passions and interests again. When I was doing the styling for one music video, I remembered why I loved doing exactly that few years before. But I also wasn’t ready to do that kind of visual and creative work, I wasn’t sure and comfortable enough with myself. Now with more confidence I am able to trust that feeling I have about certain looks and feels about them. But I also felt that I need more inspiration and food for my creativity.

Little over a month ago I felt that I knew exactly what my “goal” for 2016 would be. It would be about concerts, exhibitions, shows, museums, movies, magazines, books, music. Anything that will feed my mind.

I already have two really amazing concerts lined up, Seinabo Sey in February and Adele in April. Both my favorite ladies, Adele is something that I can not describe my love for, because it’s HUGE! I also got one of the best christmas gifts ever from my parents, a museumcard, it allows you to go to any museum they are part of in Finland for free. Pretty damn stoked about that! Over 200 museums to visit :).

I spend the last week of 2015 in Stockholm, possibly my favorite city in the world. I needed and wanted to be alone and remember some things about myself. In that city I always find myself, and once more I made the promise to myself that one day I will live there. It’s where I’ve born and I just feel free and like it’s easier to breath for me there. But I also went to see these amazing exhibitions at the Fotografiska Museet that completely blew my mind. I love love loved all of them and highly recommend checking them out. What Stockholm also did for my hunger for inspiration, was to give me so many different visuals and smells and feels and just everything that I’m used to, as I haven’t been there for over a year. So it has this familiar but unknown quality to it for me. I got to run with a dear person in Djurgården, that was just amazing. Need to definitely go back to there, with all the time in the world, just wonder.

My goal, if that’s what it has to be called is to feed my all with culture. I want to see things that I wouldn’t normally see. I want to hear things I wouldn’t normally hear. I want to feed my hunger with things that I wouldn’t normally eat.

So, 2016, will be about culture! There will be running too but mostly about culture. Need to feed this system of mine as a whole, find new sides of me, find that thing that makes me the happiest, take days off from those that I knew already and find the passion for them again, in a different way.