All This New

IMG_4244Yes, all this new!

I was on a long walk today with my dog and realised that I really just want to move already. It was one of the funniest feelings in a very long time.

Just last week I made the decision that I will move back to Finland, where I haven’t lived in 2 years. Oh, it will be so interesting to go back.

I will definitely have some kind of super reverse culture shock. That will be interesting!

I am also filled with ideas what to do, how to make my blog better and more this and that. My head is just bubbling with ideas. It hasn’t been this giddy in long time, so this is nice :).

Things that also make me happy about moving back are things like, finally going to start yoga at my friends yogastudio, Pihasali. I’m finally going to learn how to knit, thanks to my Mom. I get to go to the gym with my rockstar Mom, muscles here I come! I get to see my friends more than one afternoon in 6 months. And I get to see my family!

But the main thing for me is that I actually want to move and go back there. I haven’t wanted that in 2 years. I really didn’t want to go back.

For me going back before was like the biggest loser mark on my forehead. Like I gave up on something. But hell no I am not!

How much have I changed in these 2 years?! Insanely.

Did I care about myself two years ago, not much. Did I run and have friends all over the world, nope. Was I part of the best running crew, Still Waters Run Deep, well hell no I wasn’t. But now I am. And in a week I get to run with my crewmates in my Granmas honor here in Copenhagen! BOOM!

I have a feeling that there are some big things poppin’ soon! So I have planned and I believe that the universe agrees with me!

So let’s just end this to an super positive note!

Gratitude. PMA. Peace. Love. Blessed. Undoordinary. Breath. YES!IMG_4729

 

Family First

IMG_4694Universe has a funny way to keep us on the right path, if we are open to listening and going with that flow.

That means to me that yesterday my life changed again, big time, as in new move to another country.

I recently wrote about the loss of my Granma, that made me put things in perspective and really think what is important to me.

And that being said, family is the thing that is the most important. I need and have to be with my family now. I need them and I want to be there for them now. It’s my time to give and not only take, which I have been doing for too many years.

I think I knew this for almost couple of weeks, but I just didn’t want to say it. When I moved from Finland to Germany, I did it because I wanted to show that I will actually do something and not only talk. For a long long time, I felt that I am a loser if I would go back there. Now things are so different.

I have lost someone who was part of me. That puts you in different place in your life. I need to be with people who understand my loss and who I can hug and be hugged.

And I’m not the same person I was little over two years ago, I have worked so hard to be in a better place, and I’m not going to let that work go to waste.

This is not an easy move, and I will have those moments when I think that “what did I do?” but I have to trust my gut feeling, and everytime I have done that, it’s been the best.

I am afraid of funny things like, that people and those friends that I’ve made would forget me because I’m in the north :). I know that the people who I call friends these days won’t do that. But I am further from them that I have been. I hope that some of you want to come to that super exotic Finland :).

But I am also really happy to be in a place that I know things and how they work. Speak my own language and be with my best friends.

And everytime I start thinking of oh dear Finland, I remind myself that it doesn’t mean that it’s some kind of life sentense, I am always allowed to leave and I have a strong feeling that I will do that, once I get my life in better place. I haven’t found that happy place of mine yet.

But  for now, this is the right thing to do, for me, for my family and for my journey.

Thank you Universe!IMG_4686

 

 

Speed Mania

There is a mania sweeping this running community that I know. It’s called Speed!

People are going insane trying to get new and faster PB’s all the time. After races the first thing is to ask that what time someone got. Pushing yourself to the max is the new cool thing and if you don’t get the goal time you were aiming, everything is wrong?!

To be honest I think this is ridiculous. Because it takes away from the original reason why many of us start running in the first place. Also it looks like some people forget the happiness and just aim to get faster.

The truth is that we can’t all be super fast, and that is totally okay. We slower ones make the faster ones look good ;).

I don’t know what started this mania, but I think we need to take it back a notch, it’s not necessary. The thing is that if we keep going this way, there will be more injured people, people who feel like they aren’t good enough because they can’t run this and this time. And it also takes the happiness away from the sport that we all love!

And I hope you don’t get me wrong either, I have huge respect for people who wants to push them selves and have goals and want to get faster. But I think most of us just want to run without huge pressure all the time.

There are so many who start to run because of some personal struggle, like me and my depression. That also means that many of us aren’t strong enough to be in front of this speed pressure. Because it makes us feel like we aren’t good enough and our own work feels like we aren’t doing enough, so we start racking up kilometers like crazy and adding this and that. Or in the worst possible scenario, stop running because it doesn’t feel nice at all anymore.

The point is, we all have our own reasons why we run. We should also respect each other and the fact that we aren’t same in our goals. We will all reach the finish line in our own pace and that is so okay! And if I’m slower or faster than someone, it still doesn’t mean that I’m worse or better than them.

For me we all work super hard and we finish those races with same love, or we should! So let’s not put the time first and then ask how are you. Let’s ask first, how are you feeling and how awesome it is that we are here together enjoying this race!

So. Peace & Love.

Luckiest Girl In The World!!

Oh yes! I am the luckiest girl in the world!! This birthday of mine today has been the best birthday ever! It has overwhelmed and humbled me to the core and I’ve never felt this loved and blessed.

I have been shying away from having birthdays for many many years and I didn’t have any plans for this big 30 either, but oh boy was I surprised with huge amount of love!

It all started on the moment when the day changed… My dear friend was waiting to clock to hit midnight and the second it did, she pulled a gift from her bag and gave me nicest birthday speech ever. I had to dug my head in her hear because I was about to cry :). And the gift is so me and she made it for me, how awesome is that!! She’s so talented and I love her!!

Then this morning after waking up I skyped with my family in Finland and they even sang to me, winning!! It was so amazing to see my family and just made my heart fill up with warmth and happiness, love you!!

Couple of days ago, I gave myself a promise that on my birthday I will run an long run to celebrate this new chapter, and I did!! I wanted to run 18 km to check how it feels and to make me ready for next sunday for the Berlin Half Marathon.

This run was the best in so many months, felt so amazing! I just ran out of pure happiness. My shin pain was pretty much gone and even got better as in no pain at all, so nice! I felt light, free, blessed, humbled, happy, strong. I even got back to my favorite running place, when you don’t think anything and just in away are in this meditative mindset, it’s the Bombzz! Also there was this moment where I ran past an buss stop and looked at myself and said to myself ” You look Strong!” and I am, so strong and I need to remember that!

When I got back home I was just smiling and feeling amazing and I knew that my wish of having tacos for birthday breakfast was cooking and soon ready. Lucky me :). But as I was told to go away from the kitchen for a little, I didn’t ever could thought of what’s coming! I was greeted with gifts from my dear friend and my boyfriend and some pirate themed party gifts! I got so overwhelmed about all of this that I just stared and couldn’t move and ended up crying :).

Today has been the best day ever! I’m so happy to start this new chapter, new age and all of the new doors that I have in my future! Thank you to all who have remembered me, means so much, I feel extremely lucky and blessed and this day has humbled me to the core!!

LOVE!

This song was playing when I was running and I felt so strongly that it’s my new Me singing to my old Me. I have chosen my battles and I am winning now for sure! 🙂

 

1000 km

Boom, I did it!! I finally broke the 1000!!

I have to say that I am extremely proud of myself :). It took me 127 runs to get to 1000km, not bad I would say!

I feel that as I’m getting closer to turning 30 the better life feels and looks! I don’t really know what I believe in but I feel super blessed. The main thing for me is that I am believing in myself and realizing that it’s because of myself that things are getting better and that I’m getting new opportunities in life. It’s my work and what I’ve done that takes me forward, and that is awesome!

For so long I didn’t love or even like myself and to be here now! In a way it’s crazy but oh so awesome!

I can’t wait what my positivity has in store for me 🙂 !!

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