OOOPS! I’m Moving Back To Finland!

IMG_0373Yeah, ooops! Actual winter and Finland is calling my name and I have to listen to it.

I’ve always listened to my gut feeling, always. If I have, my life has gone to a better direction, if I haven’t well… I always know that I should have. This past Monday I just knew what I need to do, no questions, I just knew.

I’ve gone through enough to be able to admit that it’s my time to leave or change something, this was one of those times. After losing my job and still be very much without a permanent place to live, and fall rolling fast on us, I had to do some hard math of my life and think what is the best thing to do now.

Always before, everytime, if I’ve even had to think about going back to Finland, I’ve felt like I’m a failure. Never before since I moved away from there the first time, have a I felt that it’s for the best and actually felt excited about it. Obviously I’ve changed, life changes you if you let it and listen. So I think that my whole attitude about going back is different. More open to what will come and how I can use that time, how long it may be to the best I can.

One of the biggest reasons for me to do this, is that I am so utterly tired of struggling all the time and really, really want to get my life in a little more balanced place. Not physically, just to be clear. That part is pretty much okay :). But I am turning 32 next March and I have no interest in being in the situation I have been now for too many years any longer if it’s possible for me to change it all. So the adult realist in me knows that this is the best thing to do, I’m not failing at anything, I’m doing the smart decision for myself.

“Good instincts tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out.”

– Michael Burke

It was almost funny who the first people I told or talked about this whole feeling of moving, all of them were my closest friends who happen to live very far from me. That showed me, good that it did, that my friends are in my heart and no matter how far, they are in my life where ever I live. Because I remember last year when I felt that I had to move back to Finland that I am losing out on my friendships by being so “far” from them… What I learned during my time in Finland is that I have super close and great friends there, that I have missed a lot here in Copenhagen, and what I’ve learned here in Copenhagen is that my friendships are truly all over the world and the ones that matter are there no matter what. That’s the great thing about social media and emails and text messages and whatever we have these days.

I was also thinking that maybe I was meant to go back to Finland, for the reason that I still have some unresolved issues about that place. I’ve been so negative about it and haven’t really given myself a chance to figure out why. The truth is that I have been running away from myself since I left Finland the first time. I’ve definitely found myself a lot during these years, but I think there’s a little piece missing and I have a feeling that that is my attitude towards Finland. I need to solve that puzzle and then I am free to really go wherever my heart desires. And actually feel ready and free at that place, no idea what it will be. I have a feeling that my nomad side is not ready to settle down completely yet. There’s too many places that I need to see and experience, already thinking of the next place I need to visit… IMG_0593

That’s actually one of my favorite things in life these days, the people I have in it from so many different places and really around the world. They open up the world to me in a whole new way and make it so much more interesting. It doesn’t really give you a chance to be content with something you’ve known always, it makes this whole experience so much richer! And definitely once you start selfishly “deleting” the ones that aren’t good for you and keeping the ones that make you feel good and surround yourself with positive vibes close, damn this all makes it worth and more! You just need to be brave, ask for help, and really be open to whatever, life is pretty damn amazing when you let yourself do that!

So next week when I’m flying back to Finland, I am ready for whatever is coming my way, will work harder than ever before for my own happiness, letting people make my life richer, reminding myself that this is not even the breaktime, this is the beginning of all the best things that are coming up!

Now it’s a time for me to enjoy my last week in Copenhagen, spend time with the ones I love, have an actual farewell party for myself, because I am so damn lucky to have so amazing ones in my life that they want to spend a little time with me like that before I leave ❤ ! Life will always work out if you let it, that’s what I’ve learned!

“I’m so proud of you
Everything’s adding up, you’ve been through hell and back
That’s why you’re bad as fuck…” Drake knows!

PMA ❤

To Sum Up 2014

IMG_6288For a good couple of weeks I’ve felt that I need to sum up 2014, mostly for myself. Though I think it’s nice to get it out there.

But the main thing is that I don’t seem to understand how much good has happened to me this past year. Others seem to see it, but I’m in this weird bubble of not realizing.

Today I went through my blog for the past year, checking the posts that I’ve written. Noticing how much has happened in really short time. Mostly really good things, a lot of doubt, some deep depression, and a lot of running. I’ve lost a lot in 2014, but I think I’ve gained even more.

The Spring was a lot of down moments, injuries and learning from them. And falling into depression from that all, but getting up and running my first Half Marathon in Berlin. Getting adopted to a running crew, Still Waters Run Deep MCR, to have a running family to call mine. Having my first interview, on Reason To Play, crazy important to me. Thank you Karen! I turned 30, and was stoked about that. Had the best birthday party with tacos and so much love! Trying to find who I am and what I want in my life. Finding so many new friends, the closest these days. Finally broke that 1000km that I was chasing. Started to train for my first Marathon that I never ran. Visiting family in Finland with a new mindset and had the best time.

The Summer time, wow! Things really started to move forward, there were a lot of things happening in Hannover, not nice things, that pushed me forward. Ran the nicest Half in Hackney, taking a crewmember and close friend to the finish line, Jamie, I’ll always keep that memory super close to my heart! That time in London got me so much more me, that I had been yearning. And got me so amazing new friends that boom! Those new friends helped me with the next chapter in my life. I finally admitted to myself that I need to move away from Germany, to be able to be truly happy. And all of sudden I was moving to Copenhagen to an amazing adopting family, Christina and the kids, you in my heart! 🙂

CHEER DEM CREW !!!!

CHEER DEM CREW !!!!

The Fall… I moved to Copenhagen, realized that I am in a long distance relationship for real. Had the most amazing first two weeks in my new home city and then the bomb dropped with full force. My Grandma passed away. It felt like all stopped. I was alone in a new place, couldn’t say my goodbyes, even though I knew that we had said all that we wanted. But still, her passing threw my whole life upside down. All of sudden I was so lost and didn’t know what to do. And one day I knew what I need to do, I need to move back home to Finland to be with my family. So I made the decision and this huge burden lifted from my shoulders. But before that I ran the Copenhagen Half in my Grandmas memory, to take the medal to her grave. I got the change to be my last weekend with all my international running family and my crew members, could not ask for anything better in that time of my deepest sadness. So much love and support that it just took over all the pain and carried me on. Thank you to all of you! ❤IMG_4888-0

And then I was back in Finland. My own family had been ripped in three, one in Germany, me in Finland and even my longest familymember, my dog had to be away from me. He has the best “step”home now, with his amazing Uncle :). No love lost there! But being without him and my bf isn’t the easiest, day by day situation but we do the best we can.IMG_6323

I had to deal or try to deal with the loss of my Grandma. Still no idea how at times, but day by day that gets easier. Trying to remember all the good, and there are a lot of those moments.

Living at my parents place, confused but happy to be with my family. All of sudden starting my new job, after not working for good three years. Just jumping in the deep end. Enjoying and terrified at the same time. Seeing Helsinki in new eyes, seeing way more good than ever before. But noticing that I am here only for little while, my journey is still not ready for settling in one place. At this time I wrote my first piece for Pavement Bound, new amazing website about all things running, where I’m one of the contributors at the moment.image (2)

And then things just started going forward so fast that I am still trying to figure out what is going on… I started running only in a forest, really giving myself the change to learn how to be in silence with myself and the nature. Really knowing that that is my happyplace and I just have no interest in running on the road if I don’t have to anymore. I had already signed for my first Ultra, Fyr til Fyr, this April in Bornholm, but I wanted more. So I signed up for White Rose Ultra, which is going to be in UK, also it’s going to be a 100KM. Dreams are meant to be making true!

I found this amazing new brand from Finland, called Arctic Warriors and I contacted them. And after some mails, I had them as my first sponsor for my Goals2015! They make the most amazing supplements, all locally grown and using old knowledge with the plants in them. Then when I was just searching for a Patagonia jacket and ended up finding one at Ruoto For Flyfishing store, talking more and more with the owner, Joonas. Ending the conversation to the deal of me being a trail running ambassador for their store, using Patagonia! Just maybe a week before this, I told to my friend that my goal is to be a runner for Patagonia! 😀 Not there yet, but the door is open and I’m ready for the adventure!IMG_5249

I started yearning simpler life and wrote a piece here about wanting a dirtbaggery life. And just before Christmas I was chosen to be an ambassador for Dirtbag Runners, which was insane dream come true!image (3)

So how can I sum up this year?! It’s been the hardest and the best year ever in my life! Every day brings something new, most of the time I have no idea what is coming and I’m slowly starting to be okay with it. My family is all over the place, my friends are even more all over the place and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world! Never had this much support and love in my life. I never knew that I can be in this great place with myself after all what’s happened. But here I am, sometimes sobbing my eyes out but most of the time smiling, because everything is pretty great and I am pushing forward, doubt and all. I definitely forgot a lot from here, but the main point is that I am in a good place and my dreams are getting closer to being reality every day. I have to believe in myself and them and they will come true! The struggle might be real but I have amazing belief in going through it no matter what haha :).

Thank you to all that I have in my life, I could not go through this year without you. Your love and support are the biggest blessings in my life and I am so grateful to have family and friends all over the world. Thank you! ❤ IMG_6294

Treat Yo Self Week

IMG_6159A week of peace, silence, snow and beauty. That was this past week for me. Pure Treat Yo Self week!

For Christmas my family and me traveled up to the North of Finland, in Ruka. I was really waiting for this week, as this year and especially fall has been such an mixture of ups and downs with such speed that wow! I needed place from normal to breath and gather myself a bit.IMG_6042

It’s been that but I also realized that I need a lot more time to gather myself and take more me time in the future. May it be running, writing, or just not doing anything, but I really need to take that time. To be able to take those busy moments and days that this world brings us.IMG_6167

I’ve also realized how important being alone is to me. Here, you are in a cottage, big or small, with few people. And wanting or not, there’s pretty much always someone close to you and not that much time totally alone. And that is what I need more.IMG_6161

But this week has been amazing. The scenery is just insanely beautiful. It really has made me grateful for all I have in my life and that I’m able to be in a place like this. Soak all the beauty in, for those rainy days.

I got to do all that I wanted. Running, snowshoeing, writing, reading and being with the ones I love. And I think I will let the photos do the talking now :).IMG_6134

Arctic Warriors : True Northern Energy

IMG_5249Couple of weeks ago I found this amazing brand from Finland, Arctic Warriors.

And last Sunday I got the chance to meet the people behind it, and got some samples to try out.

So, what is Arctic Warriors?

It’s a company from the Finnish Lapland, specific from Narkaus. They make three different plant based nutritional supplements, in the form of gel and honey shots. All ingredients are from Lapland, old power plants that are almost forgotten.

The three power shots are:

Warrior of Endurance (Taistelija)IMG_5279A sharp kick of stress killer! Made from roseroot which is also called the ginseng of the North, and nettle. It tastes real, strong like almost gingery sharp and instantly kicks a bit of energy in to you. Roseroot is said to balance your body, before and after a rough day or a workout. It also calms so that you can take it before going to bed, if you have sleeping problems.

Ingredients : vegetable glycerol, nettle, roseroot. 4g package.

Warrior of Defence (Puolustaja)IMG_5280This one kicks the butt of flu feelings or when in need of a bit of help with your immunity. Made from angelica and nettle. Angelica is one of the strongest plants in Lapland. It has been used to heal scurvy and plague, so it’s pretty kick ass plant! Taste in this one is strong too, maybe it’s the nettle, but it tastes like something real and no processed taste whatsoever.

Ingredients: vegetable glycerol, nettle, angelica, northern sweetgrass. 4g package.

Warrior of Energy (Energia)IMG_5278

My personal favorite! Made from honey, nettle and roseroot. Possible the best energy gel that I’ve ever tasted or used, so good! Honey gives the energy you would need during your endurance training or just during the day. You can also make this delicious sports drink from this one.

The first time I tried this one, I really didn’t expect it to work that well :). I took it last Sunday after working at the Fair the whole day, I felt tired and sluggish and a bit like I have flu coming. I mixed it with hot water and fresh ginger, and wow! I got woken up completely and felt so much better than before. So I can really say that it works!

Ingredients: Finnish honey, nettle, roseroot, vegetable glycerol. 10g package.

All of them are really easy on your stomach and I could think of using them even when running for a long long runs, while your stomach can go a bit of woozy at times. I love that they are clean and natural, no nonsense. All ingredients are locally grown in Lapland, so they use the best that there is.

One thing that I really love, is that all the knowledge behind these are from old folklore healer traditions. One of the three behind the brand, is actually from old healer family.

At the moment they are only being sold in Finland, but when the products are this amazing, I am sure that soon they will spread their amazingness around the world!

http://www.arcticwarriors.fi/en/

 

Family First

IMG_4694Universe has a funny way to keep us on the right path, if we are open to listening and going with that flow.

That means to me that yesterday my life changed again, big time, as in new move to another country.

I recently wrote about the loss of my Granma, that made me put things in perspective and really think what is important to me.

And that being said, family is the thing that is the most important. I need and have to be with my family now. I need them and I want to be there for them now. It’s my time to give and not only take, which I have been doing for too many years.

I think I knew this for almost couple of weeks, but I just didn’t want to say it. When I moved from Finland to Germany, I did it because I wanted to show that I will actually do something and not only talk. For a long long time, I felt that I am a loser if I would go back there. Now things are so different.

I have lost someone who was part of me. That puts you in different place in your life. I need to be with people who understand my loss and who I can hug and be hugged.

And I’m not the same person I was little over two years ago, I have worked so hard to be in a better place, and I’m not going to let that work go to waste.

This is not an easy move, and I will have those moments when I think that “what did I do?” but I have to trust my gut feeling, and everytime I have done that, it’s been the best.

I am afraid of funny things like, that people and those friends that I’ve made would forget me because I’m in the north :). I know that the people who I call friends these days won’t do that. But I am further from them that I have been. I hope that some of you want to come to that super exotic Finland :).

But I am also really happy to be in a place that I know things and how they work. Speak my own language and be with my best friends.

And everytime I start thinking of oh dear Finland, I remind myself that it doesn’t mean that it’s some kind of life sentense, I am always allowed to leave and I have a strong feeling that I will do that, once I get my life in better place. I haven’t found that happy place of mine yet.

But  for now, this is the right thing to do, for me, for my family and for my journey.

Thank you Universe!IMG_4686