I started last year with my first ever goals that I was adamant in actually doing and finishing. So I wanted something for this year that would fulfil me in that same way, even though they have nothing with each other. At all.
My last year was all about running until the last months. I was about running, my being was about it, it gave me the escape and therapy for all those things I was running away from and trying to deal at the same time. I had lost my Granma few months before the year ended and just in the start of the year a long relationship ended. I felt that running was the thing I could deal and heal from those. I felt strong and free and like I can go on, when I ran. I might have been broken and ripped open but when I ran I was okay, or maybe not always okay at all but I was moving and believing in myself even if I didn’t believe in many others at all. I felt so alone but so fucking capable and like a warrior queen at the same time. Weird combination but it made me do things I’ve never done before.
In the first months, actually three, I ran my longest run 30km, then the next month my first Marathon distance and the third my first Ultra. Alone, one Sunday, just running 50km because I wanted to show myself that I can. And I did it. On my own, like I felt that I need to. And then just couple of weeks later I ran my first official Ultra and it went so wrong haha. I still remember how I cried on this cliff next to the sea and was so miserable because all of my big dreams of that one went so sour. But I didn’t quit. That was then and still is the biggest thing for me. I have always been a quitter but I didn’t then and haven’t after that.
My original plan and goal for 2015 was to run three trail Ultras, I did that! I actually completed something I set out to do! Still pretty damn amazed and proud of myself!
Now that my few last months have been all about something else than running, I felt that I want to find my old passions again, some things that I’ve always loved but haven’t done in so long.
Because of my job, I got the opportunity to remember my other, long lost passions and interests again. When I was doing the styling for one music video, I remembered why I loved doing exactly that few years before. But I also wasn’t ready to do that kind of visual and creative work, I wasn’t sure and comfortable enough with myself. Now with more confidence I am able to trust that feeling I have about certain looks and feels about them. But I also felt that I need more inspiration and food for my creativity.
Little over a month ago I felt that I knew exactly what my “goal” for 2016 would be. It would be about concerts, exhibitions, shows, museums, movies, magazines, books, music. Anything that will feed my mind.
I already have two really amazing concerts lined up, Seinabo Sey in February and Adele in April. Both my favorite ladies, Adele is something that I can not describe my love for, because it’s HUGE! I also got one of the best christmas gifts ever from my parents, a museumcard, it allows you to go to any museum they are part of in Finland for free. Pretty damn stoked about that! Over 200 museums to visit :).
I spend the last week of 2015 in Stockholm, possibly my favorite city in the world. I needed and wanted to be alone and remember some things about myself. In that city I always find myself, and once more I made the promise to myself that one day I will live there. It’s where I’ve born and I just feel free and like it’s easier to breath for me there. But I also went to see these amazing exhibitions at the Fotografiska Museet that completely blew my mind. I love love loved all of them and highly recommend checking them out. What Stockholm also did for my hunger for inspiration, was to give me so many different visuals and smells and feels and just everything that I’m used to, as I haven’t been there for over a year. So it has this familiar but unknown quality to it for me. I got to run with a dear person in Djurgården, that was just amazing. Need to definitely go back to there, with all the time in the world, just wonder.
My goal, if that’s what it has to be called is to feed my all with culture. I want to see things that I wouldn’t normally see. I want to hear things I wouldn’t normally hear. I want to feed my hunger with things that I wouldn’t normally eat.
So, 2016, will be about culture! There will be running too but mostly about culture. Need to feed this system of mine as a whole, find new sides of me, find that thing that makes me the happiest, take days off from those that I knew already and find the passion for them again, in a different way.