Pressure Point

IMGP8104I’ve reached my breaking point, or at least I’m really close to it.

I’ve always tried to keep this blog and my writings honest but I feel that this might be the time, when I’m brutally honest.

I’m so done, so exhausted and just insanely tired, probably a bit depressed too. In so little time, only little over six months, yes I’m repeating but I feel that I need to see it to finally believe it. So, in only that time, I’ve moved twice from country to country to country, lost my Grandma, tried to get used to living back in Finland where I genuinely don’t feel like I belong at all, found  my first job in few years, getting insanely amazing sponsors for my goals, trying to find myself in all this, having my long relationship coming to an end, trying to grieve the loss of my Grandma, being there for others, trying to train for my Ultra.

I’ve tried so hard to push on, so hard, and I know that I’ve done some amazing work while at it. But I’ve also completely forgot myself and the ability to say that I don’t have anything in me at the moment. And if I don’t say how I’m really feeling, no one will know and they expect that I can do what I’ve done. People tend to forget what’s happened, and I don’t say that in a bad way, it’s just not their life and I would forget it too. So if I don’t say something, no one will know.

I’m feeling like there’s this pressure of doing well, because everything in my life is actually going really well. But there’s also been so much to take, emotionally, that my powers are starting to dwindle down and I’m in a point when I’m just anxious and stressed about the smallest thing.

I’ve been helping other people make their goals and dreams come true, and managed to forget that I’m supposed to put mine first on my lists. Which has ended up me being completely uninspired and with no energy to write and run. I’ve ran because I’ve needed to stay alive and I’ve managed to get almost on every run to this meditation like state, which has been crucial.

But my relationship with my body and mind has gone really sour. For the past months, I’ve been eating whatever or none at all. And in a time when my body image and my body in whole should look better than ever before, it doesn’t, not even close. I’ve gained weight and that makes me feel really bad and insecure, like it has always. I’m eating stuff that I haven’t in such a long time, and all of it is making me feel physically ill and my face is looking like I’m a teenager again. I’m really disappointed in myself and that makes me feel even more shitty. I hate that I feel like this, as I’m supposed to be strong and all, but I can’t be strong all the time, even if I wanted to. But I’ve lost the me that I am now. I’m trying to find that again, but it’s not too easy.

Mostly I’m feeling okay, but it might also be because I haven’t let myself really feel all that I have inside, it’s quite scary.

While I know that I’ve been super hard on myself, I don’t seem to really understand all that has happened in such a short amount of time. I feel extremely lost. And I haven’t really talked about all this, only to one friend, because this all and all the other feelings I have inside aren’t the easy and pretty things to say.

They make me feel super insecure, shitty, unsure about all that I am doing. I don’t feel like that strong, healthy, sexy woman that I already thought I am. All of sudden all that is lost.

I’ve pushed myself in a corner and I’m not sure how to get out.

I have so nice things coming soon, and all I can think is that oh no I look so fat and I don’t have any nice clothes and oh no this and that. I feel like I would just like to hide, but in the same time I can’t wait to see my friends, the people I’ve missed so much and haven’t seen in over half a year.

What I’m feeling at the moment, is only happening because I haven’t been good enough to myself, I’ve forgotten my own health and well being, mind and body. Which unfortunately isn’t too new to me, but this time I’m really tired of this as I’m the one suffering, only me, like before.

Even though I’ve been thinking that I don’t have time to fall, I have to let myself fall and feel all that’s happened. If I don’t, I’m not going to feel any better and I’m only going to fall harder. It’s time for me to put myself first, not after all and everyone else, like I have for way too long.

PMA ❤

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Arctic Warriors : True Northern Energy

IMG_5249Couple of weeks ago I found this amazing brand from Finland, Arctic Warriors.

And last Sunday I got the chance to meet the people behind it, and got some samples to try out.

So, what is Arctic Warriors?

It’s a company from the Finnish Lapland, specific from Narkaus. They make three different plant based nutritional supplements, in the form of gel and honey shots. All ingredients are from Lapland, old power plants that are almost forgotten.

The three power shots are:

Warrior of Endurance (Taistelija)IMG_5279A sharp kick of stress killer! Made from roseroot which is also called the ginseng of the North, and nettle. It tastes real, strong like almost gingery sharp and instantly kicks a bit of energy in to you. Roseroot is said to balance your body, before and after a rough day or a workout. It also calms so that you can take it before going to bed, if you have sleeping problems.

Ingredients : vegetable glycerol, nettle, roseroot. 4g package.

Warrior of Defence (Puolustaja)IMG_5280This one kicks the butt of flu feelings or when in need of a bit of help with your immunity. Made from angelica and nettle. Angelica is one of the strongest plants in Lapland. It has been used to heal scurvy and plague, so it’s pretty kick ass plant! Taste in this one is strong too, maybe it’s the nettle, but it tastes like something real and no processed taste whatsoever.

Ingredients: vegetable glycerol, nettle, angelica, northern sweetgrass. 4g package.

Warrior of Energy (Energia)IMG_5278

My personal favorite! Made from honey, nettle and roseroot. Possible the best energy gel that I’ve ever tasted or used, so good! Honey gives the energy you would need during your endurance training or just during the day. You can also make this delicious sports drink from this one.

The first time I tried this one, I really didn’t expect it to work that well :). I took it last Sunday after working at the Fair the whole day, I felt tired and sluggish and a bit like I have flu coming. I mixed it with hot water and fresh ginger, and wow! I got woken up completely and felt so much better than before. So I can really say that it works!

Ingredients: Finnish honey, nettle, roseroot, vegetable glycerol. 10g package.

All of them are really easy on your stomach and I could think of using them even when running for a long long runs, while your stomach can go a bit of woozy at times. I love that they are clean and natural, no nonsense. All ingredients are locally grown in Lapland, so they use the best that there is.

One thing that I really love, is that all the knowledge behind these are from old folklore healer traditions. One of the three behind the brand, is actually from old healer family.

At the moment they are only being sold in Finland, but when the products are this amazing, I am sure that soon they will spread their amazingness around the world!

http://www.arcticwarriors.fi/en/

 

I love you Hummus!

I love Hummus! I have always liked it but now that I am more and more into only plant based diet, it had become one of my favorite things to eat. With everything :). But buying it all the time didn’t make any sense, so I wanted to make it myself

I’ve done Hummus once before, but that one didn’t really go too well. Maybe because if you don’t use dried chickpeas but rather the canned ones, it can give you gas, sorry but that is true!

I searched for recipes and oh, boy there are millions… So this the version I did. Note… I made huge amounts because I didn’t thought about it before soaking the whole 500g! But I’ll give you a little smaller recipe here.

1 cup dried Chickpeas (will make around 2 cups once soaked and boiled)

3 tablespoons Olive Oil, extra virgin

3 tablespoons Tahini

1 1/2 to 2 tablespoons Lemon Juice

1 glove of Garlic, chopped

1 teaspoon Salt

1/2 teaspoon Black Pepper, ground

1. Soak the chickpeas for good 24-48 hours in water, I put just a pinch of salt to the water. Then rinse them well and boil them for good 2 hours, until they are soft. Rinse them again and then they are ready to use. And all this soaking and boiling is needed to avoid that gas problem ;).

2. Put all the ingredients in to a food processor or a blender and mix well. You might need some water to thin the mix, I did.

3. Enjoy!! It’s easy and delicious 🙂

Notes:

You might want to sauté the garlic a bit, if you aren’t big fan of fresh garlic, or just leave it out all together.

And don’t be afraid to use water to thin the mix :).

 

 

Foodie

My food habits are pretty nice at the moment and going to a better direction all the time. I feel better everyday and the reason is the fuel that I put in myself.
Main things that I’ve dropped or slowly am loosing from my diet, are meats, milk products, breads and different wheats, processed foods and in general things that I don’t know where they come from.
Trying and learning more about plant based diet everyday, I’m pretty excited to find things that are awesome and totally new to me.
Hardest thing at the moment is the fact that due to my exercising I need more fuel and most days I’m not getting enough, just because I don’t realize to eat enough. I’m not used to use my body this much and that’s why I don’t remember to eat enough… Learning process for sure!

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