Why Oh Why?

IMG_5697Today I was supporting a friend, while she was talking at her old school to students about owning your own company. I could not be more proud of her and her success. It’s an honor to stand by your friends side in a situation like that!

But this is what that school environment made me feel…

I’ve started few schools and only gone through with one. No university on my plate, nothing fancy, nothing half of that even… The only school I’ve made it to the end is a restaurant school, and I graduated with waitress papers. Nothing wrong with that and I’ve used those skills in my worklife, things that I learned have been used and will be used.

BUT, when I’m surrounded or talk with people who are all about the degree, I feel like the shitties shits. Actually when I living in Germany, this lovely lady at the jobcenter said to me that my CV is nothing because I don’t have a university degree, and that I should really figure out what to do with my life because I’m so old already… To be honest, that left a bit of a mark in me.

I’m 30 now, worked most of my adult life, maybe not always the smartest jobs. When it comes to studying, it has never been my strong suit and that’s why I’ve tried to concentrate on working and doing the things I know. But from time to time I feel really loserish with my lack of degrees. I get this feeling that I will never be nothing…

I know that I’m not a loser, at least not all the time :). But fuck I hate these days when I do feel like that!

Seeing ten years younger people in these little jackets and looking all “we’re grownups” and I was intimidated, WHY OH BLOODY WHY?!

Makes me actually really pissed off, because I thought that I am better than that, better than letting my insecurities getting the best of me…

I think we all have something that keeps making us feel like we are less. This is obviously that thing for me. I hate that it makes me feel like I am a child next to people that are actually less experienced and wayyyy younger with all life experiences. All of sudden I start kicking and criticizing myself with all that I have. To the extent of what I have on, what?!

So my task is definitely now, to appreciate more what I’ve done in my life and leave the “bad” behind. I have done so many amazing things and will do, so I should remind myself of all those now!