Blessing In Disguise

IMG_0201Sometimes something that you thought to be the best for you has to end to find what really is there for you.

The past couple of weeks have been all about insane ups and downs, more downs than ups to be honest. And somehow I’ve felt stronger and willing to fight for this all more than ever in my life. Weird warrior mode is in full effect, I guess!

Couple of days ago I was thinking about the past year, really went through what has really happened in a span of only a year. A move from Germany to Denmark, being in a long distance relationship, loosing my Grandma, moving to Finland, being at “home” without feeling like that at all, working for a great friend, having to live separately from my dog and seeing him rarely, training like no other to feel alive to be able to keep pushing, healing myself from all that has happened, getting sponsors and ambassadorships, being so tired that it hurt, long relationship ending, running my first 30km/marathon/ultra in only couple of months, running my first official ultra and realizing that I need to move back to Copenhagen, opening my heart more than ever before, working so hard to make this all work, moving to Copenhagen, pushing hard to make this my home which I am still doing, running my best ultra, falling in love, finally finding a job, going to the best vacation ever, getting crazy close with my little Sister, having the best and weirdest summer ever, having to make the worst decision to give up my dog/my family for good, realizing that is the day that Grandma passed away, being homeless, getting my heart broken, feeling like I’m the luckiest girl with the people I have around me, being crazy stoked about how my life is looking, loosing my job, having the best support around me, realizing that I have this fight in me that fears nothing, a week to go to run the Copenhagen Half for Grandmas memory and enjoying all my international friends.

All in all, it’s been hell of a ride.

And I definitely missed something. So in the span of a year shit can get very real. I’ve come closer to people that I thought that I lost, I’ve lost a lot of very dear people, I’ve loved more than ever before, I’ve become so much braver and confident, I’m being there for others in a completely new way, and the love I’m receiving is just insane!

There have been days lately when I’ve thought that is this all, the shit hitting the fan, some bad karma coming back to me that I just don’t remember doing. Days when I thought that when’s the actual good coming along, is it going to be a struggle all the time. So many tears, both sad and happy. So many amazing hugs, new friends that are going to be there for life. There are days when I just think that what is the point of this all, and then some friend just says something super small and it clears all the shit and I smile again and am all loved up with the amount of blessings I have in my life.

I’m not going anywhere, I am tired as fuck for fighting but then again, I am fighting for something that is bigger than this moment, it’s my life and my happiness. And with all of this and what has happened, I am happier than ever before and I would not change that feeling for any amount of money ever! This is my home and I will one day actually have my own home here, that’s it!

Sometimes, and I should know this, we think that people or jobs or situations are where we are supposed to be or have, and then we let go for ourselves and new and better things come along. Somehow I still believe and it keeps bringing me all that good good. So, I will fight, and love, and hug. Working as hard and harder to make this life what it’s supposed to be, an adventure!