Happy Birthday To Me With A Side of Ultra Marathon

IMG_7148Yeah, so heyyy it’s my birthday today!

Turned 31 and feel like my life just started or have been in that path for just a little while. My 20s went and yeah, good that they did, because I wasn’t living back then. I was happy to turn 30 and even happier to move forward in my adventures!

So, like the title says… I actually did run my first Ultra Marathon yesterday!! 50km done! Biggest dream came true and I can now call myself Ultra runner, how cool is that!!

Today has been so great, so full of love and just yes :). It has also been a good reminder how much I have friends these days, as I still can’t believe how many of you I can call my friends all over the globe, pretty amazing! I have some exciting news to tell you, new adventures, but that will have to wait a bit more… Can’t wait to share it all!!

Birthday cuddles with my main man, Ukko the Basenji

Birthday cuddles with my main man, Ukko the Basenji

Okay and then to that dream come true Sunday stroll.

Few days ago I decided that I will run 50km to just do it, then my Ultra in April will be easy as I know that I’ve done 50 so I can do 59km. I woke up before my alarm, so before 7am, got up and made breakfast, got myself and my stuff ready and left at 8am.

Wasn’t feeling my best but just said to myself that “take it easy and you’ll be okay”. All the way to 21km I felt okay, but then around 23km my stomach started acting up and I couldn’t eat anything after that. Which didn’t really make me feel that strong about finishing my goal. And for good few kilometers I was so down and low, I was so ready to give up and call it a day. I made myself feel way worse by being so negative that I was just a miserable dick. I even almost called to my Mom if she could pick me up. I tried all that I could to find a reason to just be a pussy and give up, like I’ve always been before.

But then it hit me, I’ve always given up, always before. That was my “thing”. It it has been the thing I’ve worked the most to get rid of. SO. I said to myself, stop that shit, you’re not giving up because you didn’t work this hard and come all the way here to do what you’ve done always and you don’t do that shit anymore!

And I didn’t, I decided that I would walk the rest of the way rather than give up. Which meant about 20km. But I didn’t give up!

For 25km I couldn’t eat but I drank water and kept moving forward, that was all that mattered. I couldn’t run all the time but I kept moving forward. I made discomfort my friend, I embraced it. I reminded myself that this is what I’ve been searching for, the thing that I didn’t know, that what my body is truly capable of doing if I let it.

And it ended up surprising me so much that wow! The last 15km was actually really nice, I smiled and was positive, and kept going. The last 2km I just beamed like some crazy person who just realises that their dream is about to come true :). There might have been a bit of tears in my eyes too…

The main thing now, is that I’m pretty damn proud of myself. It seems that I still don’t understand fully what I’ve done, but I did it, all by myself!

I’ve also realised yesterday that this year, in the span of three months, I’ve conquered all my distance fears. January I ran my 30km fear run. February I casually ran my first Marathon on some Sunday and yesterday I ran my first Ultra Marathon, for fun, no race needed. And in only three weeks I’m running my second Ultra!! Better give these legs some rest :).

I feel like I need some time to really understand how much I’ve grown in such a short period of time. Because at the moment I have no idea but I feel I’ve done good.

Thank you for all the love and support, it means so much that I can’t even describe it! Thank You ❤

PMA ❤

Face of someone who just made their biggest dream come true!

Face of someone who just made their biggest dream come true!

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Casual Sunday Marathon

Yeah, exactly that!

I went and ran my first marathon today. I just decided on Friday that yes that’s what I’ll do. The weather was insane, just so much sun and beauty all around me. I don’t care how tough week I’ve had, this run and that sun gave me everything!

I’m pretty stoked that I felt all the way to around 25km like I haven’t already run that much, my legs felt great. Progress I guess…

Now I know that I will be okay running my first Ultra in less than two months. I will keep repeating that same mantra I had in my mind today. I will be okay, I am so proud of you, You got this!

And of course it hurt haha, running that much does make your legs hurt when they aren’t used to it that much, but now after few hours I feel great. So no worries here, I will be okay. Good nights sleep and on to a new day!

The amount of stuff you think on a run like this is pretty amazing, I don’t remember half of them now, but it did clear my head and kind of make you feel like the biggest winner ever!

I’m so proud of myself and I know that I will be okay.

PMA ❤

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Always With Me

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It’s been really long since I last wrote here. My life took a proper turn and then another and then just threw me out from everything I knew.

It’s almost a month since I moved away from Hannover, Germany to Copenhagen, Denmark. With no time to deal or realize what was really happening. Everything happened so fast that I still feel weirded out that I am here. It doesn’t feel real.

It’s been hard, it’s been good, it’s been new, it’s been beautiful, it’s been surprising, it’s been awful, it’s been amazing.

It’s really hard for me to put in to words how I feel and have been going through emotionally.

I don’t think I had any idea how this move would make me feel. Everything was really different than the last time. It’s always an adapting experience and I’m still in the beginning of this one. But this time I left part of my family behind for some time, for time that I don’t know yet. When that hit me, it was really hard to take, a lot of tears.

And this is the reason why I haven’t been writing in so long…

I lost my Granma little over a week ago. I didn’t want to write it, because then it would be little more true. I also didn’t know if I want to tell it to anyone, especially here. She was so much more than just a Granma. She gave me wings. She always pushed me to be me, not anyone else. She was gentle, tough, loving, warm, everything. She made up this amazing fairytale forest when I was small, it was this forest close to my Granparents place, but she made it magical. She made up stories and encouraged my imagination just to roam free and fly. She let me sit in the middle of their raspberry bushes, without no worry. She let me mow the lawn at winter, so I was basically just making awesome lines in the deep snow. She cooked the best food. She tried to teach me how to bake, which I never learned and still suck. She made the most beautiful christmas trees I know, they were always different and even better than the last year. She got up during the night to put my blanket back even though she knew that I will kick it off again. Most of the time we didn’t agree, but she accepted me. She loved me no matter what. She hated my tattoos. She was there for me.

And when she got sick this spring, it kicked the air out of me. To me, my Granparents are people who will never go away. And all of sudden I had to understand that I will loose them someday. Maybe sooner than I wanted to think.

I saw her the last time the week before I moved. She was so happy that I was moving away from Germany, because she saw and knew how unhappy I was there. She wanted me to find a place where I could have a life, where I could be me, where I could be like any normal my age person. And when I moved here, I was thinking all the time that I have to fight for my own happiness finally. That was what she wanted me to do. I pushed myself with her help. For the first time I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t want to let her down, again. I know that in a way she always had hope when it came to me, but I also know that she really hoped that something would finally change with me and how I lived my life.

She was one of the rare people that somehow understood what running meant to me. When I wrote her from London during Hackney Half, that I am running this for you because you can’t, it meant so much to her. Maybe she saw how much I had changed and how much happier and balanced I am because of running.

If this move isn’t hard enough with only all that it brings in my everyday life with everything new, this gut filling feeling if loosing part of you, made this even more challenging. But something changed in me. I wanted to fight for the first time, ever. I didn’t want to give up. And I know it’s her. She pushes me and reminds me to push on, to make myself proud, to show myself what I am capable of. All those things that she knew and tried to show to me, from really young.

I don’t know how to deal this loss. I have never lost anyone this close before. I don’t have the tools for this.

The only things I can do is remind myself of all that I have from her, all those millions of memories, all of her hugs, her tough love that really worked. Be grateful and try to be positive. That is what she would want me to do. To go on with my life and do all those things I am meant to do.

I will honor her and her memory by running the Copenhagen Half for her in two weeks. She will be with me every step. And this is the way that will help me go on with my pain and at the same time I am able to do something for her that she would really love, and she knows that it means a lot to do this for her. And I will lay this medal with her.

It’s really hard to let go, but it’s easier when I think that she is in this beautiful flower garden that she would love. And that she will always be with me.

The day after she passed away, I was walking with my dog and I just knew that I am not meant to run the Berlin Marathon this year. And as soon as I decide that, this huge weight lifted from my shoulders and I knew that it’s exactly what I need to do know. I didn’t feel that I am giving up, it felt right and at this moment I am listening myself more than ever before. I have to be gentle to myself, but tough in the right places too.

In a month, my life changed completely. I got that change that I was dreaming of, to get to another place and hopefully be able to start a life that I dream of. I lost someone who is part of me, but I am grateful and thankful for all. I am fighting and going forward, no matter how hard it feels at times. I have come this far, and it’s not the time to give up. Just listen to yourself. Breath. Think about the positive and breath the negatives out. Be thankful. Be grateful.

I love you, thank you for giving me wings and reminding me that I can. IMG_4624

Marathon Training week 8

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First of all, I love running really long training runs, after 10km I’m ready to go forever, or at least quite long :).

Secondly, training for a marathon and moving to another country is interesting. I got all bummed this morning when I realized that I might not be able to run my 18mile/29km run, because of this. A lot has changed in little over a year… But I am so happy to be who I am at the moment and so happy to take all my future days and adventures and make myself proud even more than I already am!

So last week was good and first time emotionally hard, not because of running, this moving is bringing emotions that I didn’t expect to pop up. Day at a time, with a positive mind, or at least try that positive part hard! 🙂

Week 8

Tuesday – 4miles/6,43km planned, 6,52km done. Super slooooow buddyrun. I love how my dog is super stoked to leave and then after one km he’s all bored and doesn’t want to move anymore, but, when turn back home he’s all fire again haha!20140721-131414-47654356.jpg

Wednesday – 7miles/11,26km planned, moving stuff to do.

Thursday – 4miles/6,43km planned, 8,18km done. For some reason didn’t feel at all interested in going for a run, but I made myself do it and of course it felt amazing! Happy and proud!20140721-131414-47654140.jpg

Friday – Some strength training with Nike NTC app.20140721-131839-47919777.jpg

Saturday – 15miles/24,14km planned, 25km done! Like I said, I love these long runs. They just make me feel so strong and capable of anything! Stoked!20140721-131413-47653931.jpg

Sunday – Little NTC again to stretch my legs and work my core.20140721-131411-47651883.jpg

All in all great week, more of these!

 

 

Marathon Training week 6&7

Past weeks have been so full of life changes that my running and training has suffered a bit. I haven’t lacked in motivation but just felt really tired and exhausted. But last sundays first real long run kind of reminded me that running is actually really fun and why I even do it. I also got a proper whooping last night, when I finally got back to my NTC routine. I felt just really weak, and it was great reminder that I can’t just run, I have to do other things to make myself strong too!

Week 6

Tuesday – 3miles/4,82km planned, resting still for this one.

Wednesday – 6miles/9,65km planned, 6,41km done. Great run in the end, before leaving I was all worried about everything, so this was therapeutic one.

Thursday – 3miles/4,82km planned, 5km done. Latenight buddyrun.

Saturday – 9miles/14,48km planned, switched running to quality familytime.

Week 7

Tuesday – 4miles/6,43km planned, 6,50km done. Lazy rainbuddyrun.

Wednesday – 7miles/11,26km planned, this was the day when my life changed. I got the amazing news that I will move to Copenhagen, Denmark and start a new life there, with happier things in my future. Couldn’t run, too many things and pure shock :D.

Thursday – 4miles/6,43km, 6,83km done. Had been eating way too little, so this was not fun.

Friday – 12km done, well needed stress and anxiety out run.

Sunday – 14miles/22,53km planned, 22,50km done. This run was amazing, I was a bit nervous going for it, but when I started running it just felt so good!

I have to get myself more in the game, if I want to really feel strong while running my first marathon in Berlin end of September. I still have time, so let’s do this!