You Win Some, You Lose Some

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If you do a proper U-turn in your life for the better, like I have done you get a moment when you realize that You win some, You lose some… Your past isn’t gone, it’s still there, reminding you of who you are and been. Your present and future are just a clean slate, just like you wanted.

Just when I said my last goodbyes to my Grandpa, I started a completely new chapter in my life that has changed it for the better in so many ways. But it’s also reminded me of my weaknesses and how much I tend to care too much. All the new makes it really easy to hide from the pain I still carry, the moments when I only think how much I miss him. Or how tired I am wholeheartedly. And how I really don’t miss majority of last year.

When you are in your new, free of your past, life and people it feels easy for a while until the “normality” of it all comes your daily life again. The thing is, I’m so used to struggling that I don’t even realize when my life is easy and should just let that be, because after all I really deserve just that. But your reality, as in who you are and have been before this, hasn’t gone anywhere. As long as you have stuff to sort out, it will be there. And I still do.

There’s also this funny fear when you are free from your past, at least for a bit. What if I’m not good enough for who I am the way I am. There’s loads of people who have never read any words here and have no idea of what I’ve gone through to be who I am now. I don’t really care about that most of the time, but then there are moments when I wish that my “reality” would be in a way out there, so that if I feel certain way they would just understand and I wouldn’t feel like I need to hide it all. And yes, I know how dramatic that sounds… But it can feel easier to be a little harder than you really are when in front of new people.

I’ve opened my heart in a way, once again, that only I can do. Possible managed to get it hurt while living it up. But that’s the part that makes me appreciate my damn self once again, it shows me with all it’s pain that I still have it in me. To open my heart after all I’ve been through. But there it is, believing in that goodgood while understanding how impossible it all might be. I guess in all the frustration of it all, I don’t even mind. Fuck, I rather have this than nothing at all. Forever believing in good and love.

So from very cryptic to some sense… The thing is that I have had my depressive days again lately, anxiety on high, and they have reminded me of who I am, before all this new. They are part of me, the things that make me this strong, whether I want it or not. But they also remind me of how much I need my ways of handling them. Those things that once kept me alive from drowning depression. I need to run again, even though last year killed it all for me. I need to find my why again with it. I’m doing it for me, not for anyone else. I need to run so that I can write again, on a regular base. About topics that are painful, topics that aren’t pretty to tell to others. Those things I was good at, and while helping myself helping others. By speaking my truth. My truth that I’ve gotten a bit scared of and lost while at it. I also have to remind myself what I’ve lost in only a year, one of my best friends and my Grandpa. Losing people like that leave marks, they remind you of how short this life really is.

I love the me I am today so damn much, I get annoyed why I have to let my heart be so hungry as it is, but damn I love myself so fucking much for all I am. From those naked selfies, to finally embracing my style the way it’s been bubbling under for such a long time. The more I am honestly myself, the more I’ve found that people either love me or hate me. And I’ve let few of those negative moments under my skin, that only pissed me off more. I guess it’s true… I must have leveled up when people hate me. And I’m definitely doing things right. For myself.

I needed the moment when I felt so low and unloved and frustrated as I did, to remember who I really am, and if someone can’t take that, that’s on them not me. And yes, my past has molded me and defined me, but that doesn’t mean that I need to carry it all with me. I’m so much stronger than I ever was purely because of it. So I have no need to take any bullshit anymore. Tolerance is lower and lower daily.

Dreams are on a all time high these days. Damn old dreams are on the brink of becoming reality, because that’s just how I roll. One day soon, to the sunset with that dreamy motorcycle, like I’ve dreamed since I was about 15… Yes, you are allowed to laugh at that image in your head, be sure I am. Though with a smirk that I’m making it reality, finally. 😉

So we win some, we lose some. That’s it. Never be ashamed or embarrassed of your past, it made you who you are. Be proud of that stuff, no matter how ugly it might be. Love your little heart out, even if it hurts at times, just take those risks. You never know what’ll come on the other side of that risk. It might be the best thing you’ve ever done. And give yourself time to get used to it all, that new can be so tiring, don’t push yourself too hard.

I promise to myself to be more open with who I am, no matter who is in front of me. New people might not know all of me, they don’t have to, but I don’t need to feel like I need to hide it either. I like myself, that’s enough.

PMA ❤

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Scars That Don’t Want To Heal

471567_10150877147547726_1778206004_oWe’re always evolving, growing. But certain scars take a lot longer to heal than others. Some moments in our past have gone so deep in our soul that it’s almost impossible to be free from them completely. What to do to those scars that don’t want to heal.

There’s huge contradiction between old and new, scars and newly shed skin, having closure and letting go and missing closure and not finding your freedom.

While my past haunts me at times and reminds me of how broken and torn my soul still is, I’m still human and thankful of that exact thing. Moving on and past things that have been so traumatizing, is not easy and especially when you actually want to deal them and not just forget and move on. But there are days when it all feels a bit too much and you doubt your whole being, with thoughts that just don’t make any sense. Like why this is happening to me and did I do something so wrong that I’m paying for my own karma now? Why someone deserves happiness and I don’t? Why someone’s life is so filled with love and I’m here mending my soul?

All of these thoughts make me feel really confused as I have more love in my life these days than ever before. Why some little thing can throw you completely off your course? How you can feel so loved and so alone at the same time? But I think deep down we all yearn to be loved by that one special, even when we know that we’re not alone and are so very loved by our friends and family. And admitting to yourself that you are nowhere close to being ready for any relationship with that special kind of love, because you don’t want to have any old issues when you enter something new, is hard when you feel lonely.

We’re so used to judging others and how they live their lives these days that we forget how big of an impact we’re able to do to someones life with just a simple little joke or comment. Everything is so public that it seems that it’s all free for whatever comes to our minds. And when someone is actually private and keeps their business to themselves we get confused and judge even more.

But at the same time, those people who are honest and brave with who they are and what they are going through, are the biggest inspirations to me. They truly wear their heart on their sleeve, like I feel that I am doing. Maybe I’m opening the door for people to judge me, but I would not want to live my life any other way. This is who I am and I’ve been hiding myself majority of my life and have no interest in doing so anymore. That probably will piss some people off, which is okay to me too, but please keep your judgement and comments to yourself, because in the end of the day they only tell me how you feel about yourself not me.

It’s human to feel hurt and in pain, and it’s human to feel anger towards someone who’s done you wrong. But it’s also very damn human to be able to feel happy for those who have hurt you if they seem happy. To me that shows that I have grown so much and don’t need to keep that pain of hatred in me anymore, but I also don’t need to understand why they did what they did. I forgive but certain things are harder to forget, though at the same time those experiences made me who I am and without them I would not know what I truly deserve and what I definitely don’t. So my intention is to be thankful for all, no matter how damn hard it feels some days.

It’s terrifying how we can hurt each other and how deep scars we can leave behind. The more you talk to and with people there’s this sadness of people treating each other so poorly, puking their own pain and scars to those who love them the most. It all makes it so much harder to trust in love and good, even when you have it in your life through your friends and family, but the void someone has left in you can suffocate the good of others. When someone destroys your soul with their carelessness, it kills the joy in you and you yearn freedom from that weight so bad.

“Freedom! Freedom! I can’t move
Freedom, cut me loose!
Yeah, freedom! Freedom! Where are you?
Cause I need freedom too!
I break chains all by myself
Won’t let my freedom rot in hell
Hey! I’ma keep running
Cause a winner don’t quit on themselves”

Beyonce – Freedom 

No one knows what lies behind the smile that is on my face, no one has the right to judge my why’s, no one who doesn’t know what I’ve been through has the right to doubt my strength and my decisions.

I’m who I am because of my past, I’m proud of myself exactly because of that. I’ve worked so damn hard. I’ve loved even harder and gotten so gut wrenching broken that I wonder to myself how I’m still standing, but I am. Deep in me I know and believe that I deserve love and good in my life, even though how much there’s reasons to doubt that. I have the right to get mad and be honest and open, that is what makes me so damn strong! I smile so wide because of this all, my laughter comes from the deepest depths of my soul because I’ve been hurt so bad. I respect and appreciate my struggle and march in the rhythm of my own drum. And for damn sure, I will love as much I have until now, but I’m not interest in anyone’s half ass attempts of using my time. I deserve better than that!

LOVE. ALWAYS LOVE. PMA. ❤

Letting Go 2015 Like An Old Lover. Welcoming 2016 Like The Me I Am Now

img_2816“I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story – I will. I will speak and share and fuck and love and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who resent that they never had it in them to do it. I stand here and I am amazing, for you. Not because of you. I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I AM MYSELF.” ❤

Until 2015, I feel like I’ve only lived for others. I started my journey to Me in 2015, but fell for my old habits and forgot how and who I am. This is almost like my manifesto to myself, in the most honest way possible.

2015 has been all about finding and learning who I am and what I want, who I truly am under all that fear of myself. It has been about heartbreak, love, pain, confusion, finding myself, conquering my fears, going after my goals for the first time ever, freedom, learning to love the skin I’m in and saying goodbye to people and habits I’ve outgrown or who are bad for me and my life.

I also made myself do a list of who I am. I am strong, passionate, talented, caring, special, loving, artistic, capable, beautiful, creative, loyal, trustworthy, sexy, warrior, deserving, enough, open, honest, brave, sucker for love, supporting. I know I am more than those but giving who I am and how hard making a list like that is, I am very proud of myself for getting those down. 

For the past week I’ve gone through the whole year over with myself, really pushed myself to deal certain things, to let go of others and forgive the ones that feel that hardest. I knew that I needed to do that, to be alone even though all of sudden it felt so scary, the one thing I usually enjoy too much. I knew that my broken self can still be whole in front of certain people, my brokenness doesn’t mean that I’m not okay, it means I’m strong enough to admit certain things to myself and give myself the push I need to deal and let go of them. Without the heartbreaks of 2015, I would not have woken up to the Me I really am. In 2015 I learned who I am as a woman, learned what that means, entails, empowers me and others, what I deserve and can say No to!

There’s moments when I realize things about myself and I need to write them down, this was one of them: You’re not any readier than they are to love again, so don’t push them and most of all, do not push yourself.

I know that these aren’t the things that we should be open and honest about, because at times it feels that we need to be all about slaying all and be good with ourselves, but letting go of a love that you had for someone, whether they hurt you or not, is HARD, whether you know the decision to be right. In short that shit hurts, because there’s people who take a bit more of your heart than you ever expected to happen. And even though I know that it’s the right thing to be alone now, my whole being rebels against that, not all the time but there are moments.

I’m one of those who fall hard, I love hard, I believe in the good of others hard with the notion that I might get hurt hard. I tend to open my heart in a way that it’s super easy to rip it open if you don’t respect the openness of it. I don’t second guess my gut feeling about how I feel about someone and how I see the good in them, even if they don’t see it themselves.

The love I wish to give and have is who I am, open and honest. I am tired of hiding or filtering my love and feelings in general. I’ve done that for most of my life. I want to be able to show my love and not have to think about if it’s okay. I wish to have that kind of love in return as well. A love that looks like that person who is proud to have my kind of love without wanting to push it down or me being someone else I am. No more filtering love.

I think I’ve finally stopped apologizing how and who I am. That was one big thing I learned in 2015. This is who I am, whether you like me or not, this is Me. In 2016 I want to truly be brave and let myself be Me, all of Me. To get to know that Me that I am, but have been hiding from myself.

” Be a better You, for You.”

– Sonya Teclai

There’s certain things that make you, force you to realize that you won’t be here forever. You look at your body and how it has changed, you know that it doesn’t work the same way it did couple of years ago. You look at your skin and how there’s lines that weren’t there maybe a week ago, but in the same time they make you look so much more beautiful. They show the life you’ve lived, the pain you’ve cried through, the smiles you’ve smiled with cheeks in pain. Growing up and older can be scary, but I’ve decided to at least try to embrace the journey of it all.

You feel the pressure of doing things you want to do before it’s too late, but at the same time you don’t want to rush through life, you want to really enjoy the moments.

You want to be true and honest with and to yourself, while being so confused with that all in the midst of feeling exactly certain who that is.

You want to take risks to be sure that you live but at the same time want to be in control of what happens when you take those risks. How to trust the jump when you have no certainty in what will come after you jump.

“I tell you what freedom is. No fear!”

– Nina Simone

How to balance those things you have raging in you. How to be happy with being alone when people around you are so far from that exact thing. How to be those two you’s that you are, how to live as one with them both. How to be that outdoorsy, less is more person and that ambitious, brave career woman who wants to be great at what she does. But isn’t it a balance that the other needs from the other? That is something I will tackle now. Learn how to make those equally good in me that I am in peace. Right now it feels a bit like I have to choose, but then it would mean that I need to choose one from two passions of mine and I’m not ready or willing to do anything like that. I don’t feel that I need to.

I remember how I said almost a year ago how I feel that my life just started for the first time, now more than ever I feel that, really feel it hard. I feel how fast time moves on but I want to forget rushing through it all. I want to forget the lure of being in a hurry. I can be and will be the best Me I can when I respect the both sides of me. I need to be, for myself, patient in what I’ve wished for my life to be earlier, when I realize that it’s exactly that now. Like I wrote before, watch what you wish for…

I don’t want to do any resolutions for 2016. I want to be able to listen to myself on a daily basis and really take the moments I have without hurry. I want to keep being honest about how I feel, especially if someone feels special to me, we don’t have enough time to not say those things, even if we don’t get anything back. I want to be patient and gentler to myself, more mercy. Past is past for a reason. Now is now for even bigger reason. Live in the now, not past or future, now. That’s my Note To Self.

MORE LOVE. MORE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS. MORE SPONTANOUS ADVENTURES. MORE HONESTY AND BEING OPEN. MORE RESPECT TO ONE ANOTHER. MORE BRAVE ME AND MORE PMA ❤

 

 

 

Love Is Strange, But Oh So Good If You Let It!

IMG_8250Yeah, it is! It makes us go all weird and makes us say things that we might not say or do things that are just ridiculous. But what if there’s love that is just calm and good?

This post is not only about love, don’t worry, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it the last year, how it is part of us since we are born. It’s with us in our everyday life, in so many different ways. When we smile at some little kid, it’s shining out of us. When we are happy, it’s there. When we are sad, it really is there. When we hug a friend, it’s there. When we kiss that special one, it’s there. When we hear the voice of someone we care about, it’s there. When we see the face and smile from afar that we like, it’s there. It’s never not there.

My idea of love has changed a lot the past couple of years. I remember there was a time when I was thinking that I have no idea what it means, and before I do know, I don’t want to say it. Just because I’m supposed to in certain situations. But I’m also in a place in my life where I know that I rather say it when I mean it than leave it unsaid.

“The trouble is that you think you have time.” – Buddha

I think the way I feel about love changed while I’ve changed. It changed and got new dimensions when I lost my Grandma last September. Loosing someone that close and one who has taught you how to love in her own way, it changes you. It makes you think about your future relationships differently, as you’ve seen your grandparents living their lives together your whole life. I never thought about them like that before, I always loved certain things they did or how they behaved around each other. But when the other isn’t there anymore, it’s the time when you start thinking about those moments that were normal before. It also makes you finally understand that we don’t have limitless time on this planet. And not taking a risk with someone all of sudden doesn’t make any sense…

We’ve all had relationships that have taught us something, no matter how good or bad they’ve been, they always teach something. When I was insecure and didn’t love myself too much, I ended up in relationships where I knew from the start that this is not going to be a good thing, but I just stayed and ended up being hurt. I wasn’t always the good one, none like the other was always. There’s always two in a relationship. But I wasn’t there in a way I hope to be able to be now. I said things that weren’t really 100% me, because I really had no idea who I was and what I wanted. I sucked so much stuff that hurt me and really scarred me for a long time, something we should never do. Like a friend of mine said couple of weeks ago, “life’s too short to be unhappy”. It really is. But we rather stay stuck in a situation that just isn’t going anywhere because we are afraid of the what if. I’ve been there, so many times, been so afraid to be happy that I’ve rather stayed in that unhappy place because it was familiar. While I’ve been wondering why can’t I just be happy?

I’ve also always been a believer in love. I’ve wanted to believe that it’s not supposed to be too hard. Real, yes. But not make life harder. Challenging at times, yes, but always because both are willing to take that challenge. Not challenging the other to a limit where they feel completely empty and like the life has been sucked out.

I don’t regret any of my relationships, just like I don’t regret my mistakes and choices that I’ve made in life. Each and every one of those have taught me something, and all those together are the reason who I am now. So I can only be thankful for them. Maybe I needed to hit my head to the wall that many times to believe that that’s not what’s good for me. Maybe I needed to suffer in a way, to see what happiness really is. Maybe I needed to feel as bad as I did to see how amazing I am and how much I have to give.

I feel a lot of the time these days, especially in my age people, that we tend to make our lives a lot harder than they need to be. We over analyze everything, overthink our every move to a point where we don’t know what we wanted in the beginning. We are in such a hurry with our lives that we forget to actually live them and enjoy the ride.

I’ve definitely been one of those people, and still have moments when I do that, but I’ve learned to recognize them and ask myself what’s really going on. Is all of that necessary?

I read from somewhere that the person who is our soulmate or the one, should make you feel calm, not nervous. I started thinking about it, and it makes so much sense. Butterflies in belly are a great thing because they make us remember and feel all that we feel, but when it’s nerves and anxiety, it’s not good. That’s what I want to be able to give, peace and calm to my relationship. And I hope to feel that too. I want to be able to be quiet without anything being wrong. Just being able to be next to someone so comfortable that it’s easy to be quiet. In the end the person I want to spend my life, should make me feel like I’m safe and if I feel really nervous about something, I know that they will calm me down and have my back.

We want to be so much in control these days that we forget that we can’t make things like we want always, something we just need to let go and see what happens. Trust the unknown, with all it’s terrifying openness. That unknown has been the best place for me the last year. Every time I’ve let go, I’ve gotten so much good, so much love. It doesn’t get any less scary, but I’ve started to trust it. I can’t control what happens all the time, I just need to let it happen. Once I let go of the panic control, I started seeing my whole life in a new way, and so many doors started opening to me. It’s not easy, if it would be we would all be super happy and content with our lives all the time. But I rather try than be scared and think of the what if’s.

“The cost of not following your heart is spending the rest of your life wishing you had.”

The idea we have these days about a perfect relationship is so far from reality, that it’s impossible to actually make it work, at least the way we want it to. We want to change the person we fall for, not take them as they really are, with their scars and past. But why we want to be with someone if we want to change them straight away? Isn’t all that they have gone through in their lives, exactly what’s made them who they are now, just like us? That’s supposed to be the thing that we get interested in, those things that have molded that person to who they are when we meet them.

I’ve been one of those whose either thought that I can “help” someone away from their problems, or just wanted to change them in to something else, more suitable for me and where I have been in my life. I don’t think that’s something that any of us want to admit, but why not. I know that I have and that I don’t anymore. That is the great thing about admitting your past and being okay with it. I was probably trying to change them because I was insecure and thought that if the other one would be like this or that, then my problems wouldn’t feel that big.

After my little over 31 years here, some relationships later. After huge change in myself and really being honest with who I am and what I actually want, I’ve noticed that the things that are important to me in a relationship are really simple, but at times the hardest to do.

Trust is love to me. I’ve gone through lack of trust for the biggest part of my life, which made me really suspicious in my relationships. It’s hard to trust or be trustworthy if you’ve felt that the promises aren’t kept that are shaping you as you grow up. But once I gave up the past, once I let go of the hurt that it had done and said it out loud, I was actually trusting for the first time in my life. I trusted myself to be truthful to myself, which ends up me being that to others too. I don’t need to hide myself anymore.

I want a relationship where I can be genuinely me, with my good and bad, my ups and downs, my from zero to hundred moments, my joy and laughter. It’s hard to find that, but I’ve gotten a glimpse of how it can feel and while it’s a bit scary, it feels so good. Not to be nervous about saying the things you have inside of you, or being all stupid in front of the person. We need to start being more stupid and remember to really have fun and do somersaults when we feel like it, you can never be too old for that. We need more laughter in our lives.

I want my love to be pure in a way that it’s effortless for me to give, something I don’t even think. I don’t need to love so that I can get love back, that’s wrong way to do it. It has to be something that comes from you without you thinking what you can gain from it. That’s not love, that’s business. Most of the time, we don’t “get” anything back when we love. You don’t always get a smile back when you smile to someone on the street, but that’s totally okay.

I wish that the person I spend my life with and love, is my best friend. The friend that I can truly talk about my fears, my dreams and goals, the one who supports me even when they don’t understand. I firmly believe that it’s really important to be able to say whatever to your person, without the fear of what will they say. Because if you’ve been true and honest in what you want and feel, the other person knows what makes you happy, maybe sometimes before you do. They are there for you, especially in those scary moments. They are able to put themselves in the back for some time to be there for you.

Honesty and trust are huge to me. I’ve gone through journey of lies in it and when I got rid of that me, I haven’t looked back. If you can’t be honest, then there’s a problem. You can’t trust if you’re not honest, I think it’s that simple.

Sometimes we need to shatter to millions of pieces to really reveal who we are and what we want. It’s one of the scariest things in life, but so rewarding. Once you start climbing your way back up from that, you learn all you have in you.

Sometimes we meet someone who comes to our life in the weirdest time, but they change all in a second and all that was there before starts feeling like it’s not right anymore. Letting go of the old and familiar is the scariest part. There’s no guaranty on the other side, other than the trust and feeling that this feels better than what I had before. If that person makes you feel calm and don’t give up with the first pump on the road, I believe they are there for real. If they are able to take those moments when you break down, and don’t go into it with you but are there for you to be in panic, cry, yell, whatever and still after that will hug you and be there for you, then keep those close. They are ready to be in it for real. They don’t get scared of those moments.

“Throughout this life you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You could talk to them for hours and never get bored. You could tell them anything and they would never judge you. This person is your soul mate, your best friend. Don’t ever let them go.” – Unknown 

I think the person whose meant to be with you, is someone who challenges you. In a way that makes you feel like I have more in me that I thought. That love is raw, real, honest and warm. It doesn’t always say what you want to hear but what you need to hear. But in the end you know that they do and say those things because they care. That kind of love isn’t supposed to be all perfect with no arguments, of course there’s those, it’s part of life. But you both know that it’s part of the journey. Past needs to be in the past, not brought to present as a mean way of fighting. We all have a past, but it’s called past for a reason. To use it as a weapon is the lowest way of fighting. There’s no trust in that.

I want to be able to talk with my person about future without fear. I want to say that I would love to have kids and maybe live on the countryside one day. I want to be able to talk about future in a way that makes me and them think about it together, as a unit or a team. Are our dreams, wishes or hopes similar?

But there also have to be patience in love. You can’t just rush through something, even when it’s good. Something I’m learning everyday. Patience is not easy, but it’s key to really knowing what is good for you. In my “past” life, I was always in a hurry. I wanted everything to happen straight away, not tomorrow, now. But now, I am in no hurry to rush love anywhere, I want to actually learn what it is and could be. I want to learn who the person is and what they want. I want to be able to be friends and grow from there. It’s not the easiest as I’ve always done it the other way round, or in a hurry. But I really want to “do things differently”.

“Friendship into love takes growing. Knowing is to love.” – Mikky Ekko – U

And at my age, you also feel secure in yourself enough to say what you want. If you don’t say what you want, you will never have it. If you are not honest in what is inside of you, then don’t be surprise if the other one doesn’t know it either. If you don’t show how you feel and put yourself out there, you will never know. I’m too old for some games, the ones that we somehow think it’s okay to play these days, with each others hearts and feelings?

In the end, we all want to the same thing, to love and be loved and share our lives with someone. Why we make that simple pleasure so complicated? Why we give up so easy on the ones that makes us feel the best but challenge us, aren’t those the ones worth keeping? Love is not that hard, if you try to remember how it was when you were a kid. It was as simple as a hug.

Love has to be equal and understanding. You have to be a unit, a team that plays on the same side. I want to forgive, because we’ve all made mistakes. I want to leave the past in the past. What is now matters. I want to be able say what I want in life without thinking “can I?”. I need to be able to be me, in front of the one. I need to be able to take them as they are, with scars, ups and downs. There has to be inside jokes. No compromises in things that matter. If they really care, they don’t want you to compromise, they support.

“Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of our time. There are too many mediocre things in life; love shouldn’t be one of them.” – Unknown

Whoever you love, keep your love pure, honest and true. Don’t judge or make it harder than it needs to be, because in the end it’s really simple. Let it fill you with all it’s magic, and let it challenge you. Trust in that jump you need to take when you really love. Trust that gut feeling, it usually knows best. Love because you want to, not because you want something from it. Just love. And say that you love, better to say than keep it as a secret. Love should never be something you need to fight for all the time, it’s just there. And remember that it needs watering, so that it can really blossom. ❤