Lately I’ve really realized how truly blessed and lucky I am to have the people I have in my life. I’ve always been quite a lone wolf, but these days I am just overflowing in happiness and smiles. And that’s “just” all the people I have around me, all around the world. The people I really have and let close to me are just insanely amazing!
I remember when I was younger how I always wanted to be one of those popular ones who have all the friends and who people want to spend their time with, well I was never that one because I was just too picky. That’s the truth. And because always made my life a lot harder than it really needed to be. And if someone was a friend, I was so terrified of losing them that I probably suffocated them with all that I had. This all obviously came from me being really insecure with myself and not really sure who I was and really didn’t love myself.
I had to fall really deep to start loving myself, which means that now I am able to love others. It’s not selfish anymore, I love and be there for others because I get so much out from it. It’s not a situation where I expect to get anything, I just give and am happy with that. Because that’s what love is, something you give without any expectations.
So now, I have no interest in being that popular one, because I am so happy with what I have. All the people I call more family than friends, the ones I love with all my heart like I do all, but the ones that are in my heart in a special way. There’s people I’ve known for quite long and people who I just met couple months ago, but have so so special place in my heart, that I hope they will be there forever. Because life without them just wouldn’t feel as amazing as now.
I am a firm believer in Universe and it making the moves that we should have in our lives, if we just let it and are open to it. And I feel that I’m finally letting go and letting it do the moves I deserve to have. Because I do deserve as much good as any other here. And we all deserve all the good. Someone being happy, isn’t anything away from someone else.
After my last relationship I made few promises to myself, that I want to be 100% who I am, with all I am. That honest and loving one I am. The one who genuinely means what she says. The one who is not in a hurry and loves peace more than anything else. Being this open isn’t always the easiest but still I don’t want to change a thing, nothing. I feel like I’ve never been this happy, in peace and just able to really listen what is in me and around me too.
I also made a challenge for myself when I moved to Copenhagen. I need to be more social and challenge myself with those situations that I am terribly afraid, which means being in a group of people I don’t know. Or in general in a group of people. So far all of those moments have made me feel so good, that I think I’ll keep doing that. And it’s not that serious if you made a fool out of you at times, that’s part of this. Being who you are even if someone doesn’t understand you or thinks that you are a total idiot.
I’ve also challenged myself for some time with something that has always been really hard for me. I want to actually let people in, in my life and give them a change to show me that it’s okay to let them close. But at the same time I’ve learned to set boundaries in all that. Which is equally important.
I’ve made the conscious decision to not let certain people close, because I’ve had enough of negativity in my life, so I want to surround myself with people that appreciate who I am and that’s it. We are who we spend time with, so I want to be happy and positive and encouraging and loving, so I’ll surround myself with that kind of people. It might sound really selfish but it’s being healthy selfish and good for me and my future.
But since I’ve found this peace, I’ve been able to be there for people in a whole new way. I’m able to take myself out of the situation if it has nothing to do with me, not giving my two cents in something that isn’t anything to do with me. I am able to be there for them and listen and ask the questions that might challenge them in a way they haven’t thought about things yet. But mostly just be there.
And I am able to love, like never before. And I intend to keep doing just that. So the one who has my heart, you’re about get all that has been bubbling in me so long and all that’s there now. And the funny thing is that for the first time I’m not in a hurry, I know that I am on the right path. Day at a time is the way to go. With all the ups and downs, because they are all part of this, and I would not change a thing.
This is all part of my own journey, growing older, maybe a bit wiser while at it. I am so happy that I’ve gone through so much, pure hell, in my life. Because without all those moments when I just wanted to disappear and give up because I didn’t see anything good or any light at the end of the tunnel, I would not be who I am now. And I absolutely love myself! I don’t even understand all this always, but I rather have this all than whatever I had before. All of my past, it made me stronger and courageous and so damn loving, and why the heck would I change any of that, just because I am afraid at times?!
So, I will keep on my “lovers gonna love” path and keep being me. ❤
PMA ❤ and be sure to check the video below from our cheerzone at the Copenhagen Marathon, you might see this little one hugging one of her best friends while he’s running :).