From Slow and Luscious to Strong and Luscious

IMG_7533Something changed in me during that Ultra of mine, yes a lot but one thing that is very particular.

It was the first time in my life that I had this tiny spark waking up in me. That spark that wants to better myself and is really willing to put myself on that edge and over my comfort zone. I actually want to be good at Ultras and trail running, not just do it solely for my own fun.

I’ve never really been too much in to pushing myself over that line. I think in the end I’ve always been afraid what is really in me, if I work harder for it. Yeah, that good old fear…

But if I was able to finish that race, I am able to push myself in my running. If I didn’t give up there, why would I give up now that I’m already on my way to bettering myself? It would not make any sense.

So I knew even during the race that what I need to change and do from now on. I have little over two months to go to my next Ultra, same distance 58km, on an island too. So I know what I want and need to improve in my body, mind feels ready and just need to be kept on that strong level it is now.

I’ve contacted a coach for my running, already have a personal trainer for the gym work, and am talking about a better race nutrition. So I’m really taking the steps to the right direction.

This is a test for myself to see how dedicated I am, I know I have it in me, but I just need to really show it too. Inside of myself I know that I have what it takes to be actually good in this Ultra running. I might never be the fastest but I have guts and the mental side and with training and hard work my pace will increase too.

I’ve never really been too competitive but something woke in me during that race, my own potential probably. I saw who I really am, not someone anymore who just wants things but isn’t willing to really work for them. And I knew that I had a plan on how to train for that race too, but I really didn’t follow through, so with this new mentality and headspace I feel that I have a new chance, and I really want to show myself how hard I can work.

And I can only go forward and maybe it was a good thing that my first official Ultra took me that long. I know that I am able to get better from that. And after todays hill repeats, I actually feel that this will work, yes! 🙂

So Ultra Project “From Slow and Luscious to Strong and Luscious” has began!

PMA ❤IMG_7534

Fuck You Asshole & Thank You Running

I think that in every family has that one person who manages to hurt you with useless remarks or puts you down in situations where, if someone else would say the same thing as you, they wouldn’t react but with you they just react like no other.
I have never understood why some people have this kind of need. To “share” their own bad feeling or pain to someone who is completely innocent and have nothing to do with the actual reason. And why some people like me in this case makes them react like that.
Or why is it so hard for some people to accept that you have changed and aren’t the same young person that you were 10 years ago?!
But even when you deep down know that it’s not about you, but about that persons own dark emotions, it’s extremely painfull to take it without hurting and making you think that you’ve done something wrong. Even though you haven’t. And start to think always that why you have to be that target always.
And when it comes to family, whether it’s close or little bit further, they will be your family for the rest of your life and you don’t really have any saying in that. You have to tolerate them, and even through all shit you love them. And that is the hard part! How to keep loving someone you puts you down and hurts you like that, mostly infront rest of your family.
They might be the most important person to you and then they do shit like that, but don’t see that themselves, which makes it even worse because it feels completely useless saying anything about it.

But then you have to remind yourself that it’s not about you, it’s their problem and you have to try your hardest to remember that you are amazing and have done nothing wrong. But that is the hardest thing to remember in those situations when you hurt like hell.

I have made complete U-turn in my life this past year. I’m so goddamn proud of myself and I know that my only way is up! I wish that even those hardest skin people would give me a chance to show how amazing I am these days. Isn’t that what weall wish, to just have a chance to be what we are in our best?!
Running has changed me completely. It has given me the strenght to believe in myself, to make me change my willingness to always give up and just keep going because I’ve already shown myself that I can and even more. I love running because it gave me new chance to live my life better. It made me love myself first time in 29 years. How effing awesome that is!!
I wish that all assholesthat this world carries, would have something in their life that would make them feel so good that they don’t have to be assholes without any reason. That is my only wish tonight. Let’s be nice to each other and let’s be genuinely proud of each others good things and feelings!!

Here’s one photo that I found and it’s about not being perfect in that Big sense but being perfect with all our imperfects. Let’s just love❤️.

20131124-222649.jpg