People, We Need To Rest So We Can Push On With Our Dreams!

wp-1486894105825.pngI’m a massive believer in resting, mind body and soul. Without rest it’s nearly impossible to be able to push on with something that you find passionate for you, those dreams and goals. Always moving forward with the fastest speed isn’t bringing you closer to your goal, it might make you speed past it and forget to live while you’re at it.

Last year I took a long break of all I had done a lot the past years, running and writing. I didn’t feel inspired in any way, so the best thing I could do was to take a break. That was the best thing because I had time to listen to myself, fall to the depths and climb back, to remember who I am and what I want to accomplish now, and giving myself the moment to realize that it’s okay to change what you are moving towards. It’s okay to change your journey and goals, nothing wrong with that.

Looking back now, I started moving far from who I truly was the past year and that’s the main reason why I felt so lost and confused. I forgot to stay true to myself, no matter how much I wanted and thought of it. I forgot my strengths and power, the thing that makes me Me. For some reason I thought that I should change who I am to be able to get to where I wanted to head, though not even knowing where that was. So basically I was just aiming to nothing.

From the start of this year, or actually starting end of last year, something in me changed. Reminding me of who I am and that should never change. Maybe I needed to hit the wall of pain once again to remember. Sometimes that is needed, that’s it.

Now that I’ve been truly me, my life is filling with opportunities and insanely amazing moments that make me feel the biggest highs. Because I am me, I am radiating the possibility and what I have in me out of me, where others can see it and if they like it, give me opportunities to be me with them.

The reality is that once we realize that when we are true to ourselves the best things will come to our lives. It’s not easy but damn it’s good! It’s so worth it, trust me. Someone will see that and give you the chance you’ve been hungry for all these years.

But if I hadn’t taken the time out of my own life in a way, none of this would be happening in my life right now. I wouldn’t be confident enough to go after my dreams, I wouldn’t be even ready to say them to myself. So I really needed that break and to rest myself. Then and still everyday today.

Now that my life has taken massive steps forward I remind myself daily that I need to rest so that I can do what I want. I can’t let that intoxicating feeling of all the good get the best of me and realize too late that I am exhausted.

Rest is the time when you get to recharge yourself and be able to take what comes next. It’s different for all of us, but it’s equally important. And sleeping enough is one of the biggest, do not under estimate the benefits of sleep!

For me it’s meditating in the mornings with Headspace app, it’s simple enough and takes 15minutes, but the benefits are massive. I am able to start my day with a mindset that is ready to take the fast pace with calmness. I don’t have to drown myself in it anymore, I am able to stay calm and still be excited. When it comes to running, I take restdays to let my body recover, especially now that I am coming back from a long pause of normal training. I’m easing my body and mind to that all, letting that feeling come back when I yearn to run again and it feels good and is really something I want to do rather than have to do. I also keep a balance in my life with challenging myself with a new hobby, fly tying and soon fly fishing. When my life is now a lot about running and being quite social, I balance it out with time for myself in a totally different surrounding doing something that I have no clue from before. I’m also extremely grateful for this all, that I’m able to do what I am and have the opportunities I have. I do not take them for granted. I am really proud of the work I’ve done to be able to be here, but it’s taken me years and hasn’t been easy by any measure. There’s been a lot of tears, jealousy and negativity, but I wasn’t ready. I’m a working progress and always will be, now I just know and accept it. So I’m able to be ready for certain opportunities.

If we don’t rest the complex whole of our mind, body and soul, we won’t be able to do the things we want to accomplish in the end. Do not try to fool your body, that shit will always outsmart you, believe me!

And remember, really let this sink in, comparison will kill the living daylight out of you! What someone else is doing, doesn’t mean that you need to or should be able to do the same. We are all just one, and that makes us so damn special. ❤

So, rest up, ain’t nothing wrong with that! Find your way to do it and enjoy!

PMA ❤

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Live And Learn…

IMG_2187“Let’s push as far before I crack…”.

And then I cracked, as in on Tuesday morning 5:30, I got an epilepsy attack, a grand mal, something I haven’t had in 13 years. Which ended up me needing to go to the emergency room with an ambulance in the morning. And also really go through my life and how I’ve been living it lately.

If I am smart and admit that I’ve been working too hard and long hours, in my own new found passion for my job, this wouldn’t happen as I would’ve been smart enough to calm the situation early enough, but no…

I have a habit of going full steam when I get excited about something. And this past couple of months have not been any different. I found something I am good at, got all stoked to the point that I was ready to do anything and everything to get ahead in my job when I should’ve have calm down and slow down and learn slow and steady. And with my insane passion and drive, I’ve managed to piss off some people, because it can be too much at times, and for a reason. I can be too much, I know that. I’ve lived with myself quite a few years and worked on this trait of mine but forgot it this time… Unfortunately.

But playing with my health is the stupidest thing I could do, especially when I’m the one usually reminding my friends of it. There’s no reason for me to do anything so much that my body stops me to the core. None.

My first reaction to the attack was pure hatred. I was pissed off that the medics wanted me to calm down, when they obviously didn’t realised that I have stuff to do. When I understood that they are being good to me, I got pissed off at myself. I was pissed off that I let this all go this far. When I know too well that I am not that important that things will stop if I don’t do them all. But it’s still tempting, as people like me know.

It’s super easy to beat yourself up for something like this, but then again it won’t help you in any way. You can only learn from your mistakes, like I have before, so this should not be any different.

What almost surprised me was the fact that I was terrified that I will lose my job because of this. I was genuinely worried that this is it, if I won’t be able to do what I’m supposed to then what am I good for?! The thing is that no one is expecting me to do some inhumane amounts of work and still push on. I’m supposed to have a life just like anyone else and I’m still learning the traits of this field, I’m not ready and done yet, hopefully never will be. So I need to be way easier to myself. I have to have other life too, I need to see my friends and have time for running and other things that make me smile and feel full of life.

There’s no need to drain my whole being from everything with the thought that if I don’t then someone else will get my job… Which could happen anyway.

But I do owe myself to be the best I can to myself, so that I can be the best I can be in what I do and to others too. I should know this as I’ve gone through similar situations before, not this drastic but close enough to learn my lesson, except that I obviously haven’t.

Maybe the fact that there’s been so many amazing and good things in my life since I moved back home to Finland, that the shear amount of it all has just overwhelmed me and I’ve just jumped in without thinking that I need some balance to it all.

The stupidest thing, to do to myself, was the fact that I didn’t give myself any time to heal from it all, but I went back to work the next day only to learn that I need to take few days off because of that mistake. Which made me feel even worse this morning when I realised it. But I can either keep beating myself or just learn my lesson and move forward with a smarter mindset.

I think for a moment, I got sucked into this thing that is cool that if you’re super busy and “important” then you’re doing things well… A thing I’ve always hated, for a reason. As the real me knows that that is not real and that being there for others and taking care of yourself are way more important things to take care of.

I need to go back to my own drawing board and maybe even write down, what things are important to me and what can I do to be better at them and in my job that I love, without risking my health. Should not be too hard.IMG_2218

For sure, a thing I really don’t want to even think, is the fact of how much this epilepsy attack really scared the shit out of me. I haven’t had any issues with it for a good 12 or so years and after doing everything opposite to what I know are good, I managed to work it back to my life and freak me out. For a good reason I’ve done certain things in a certain way so that I don’t need to worry about the whole thing. I managed to forget them all with my excitement. Again, lesson learned, hopefully!

I can be good at things, without drowning my whole being in them. It’s completely okay to take time for yourself and need to rest, nothing wrong with that. Without being healthy selfish and doing exactly those, you won’t be able to keep pushing with the things you love. Same goes with work, running, whatever. You need to rest to be able to do them. Point blank.

In the end this was needed, not that I am proud of it on any level, but I seem to need a pretty drastic reminder to stop what I have been doing. Learning slowly my lesson, but still got some work to do with learning this.

Also what really humbled me was the sheer amount of care and love that I received near and far, thank you so much for it all ❤ means the world and reminds me of those good things!

I can be afraid of many things but I can’t over compensate to make them work. One step at a time, is the right way to go. I need help just like anyone else. I have to say that I am very blessed to have good people in my life to ask for help or say how I feel. Things are way better than before, I’m truly not alone anymore. Thank you. ❤

SLOW. STEADY. YOU’RE ENOUGH. REST. SLEEP. EAT. DRINK. HUG AND LOVE. PMA ❤IMG_2217

Guilt Trippin’

IMG_5508Yeah, exactly that. Guilt trippin’.

This morning I woke up feeling really fluy, felt annoyed because I actually have a job that I like to go to and now I knew that I have to rest.

After I send a message and informed of the situation, I instantly started feeling guilty. Why?!

This is not a new feeling for me. I’ve had that almost always, like it’s the biggest crime to be all of sudden sick and not being able to do something. Getting sick is something, after all, that I can’t do anything about. Sometimes we just get sick, that’s it. But why guilt?

I also know that I’m not the only one who feels like this, I’ve actually talked about this with friends lately.

I definitely feel guilty because I feel that I let someone down. But then again I would not be in any help or use if I would work while being sick… Or when I’m sick I feel like I need to do something, clean up, organize, anything but actually rest and get better. That shit is hard!

Though this time I also felt this new thing in me, I was tired of feeling guilty for something I can’t change and which I shouldn’t feel guilty in any way! That was new and I have to be honest, I liked that spunk in me!

Though I had to ask for help to not feel guilty from a friend ;). But the change was there and that makes me happy.

Getting sick after all that’s been going on in the past few months is actually kind of normal. I have been riding on this high of good and bad and just pushed myself forward with sometimes no gas in me whatsoever. Now, my whole being is just saying “calm down, we need to rest, mind and body and you too!”. So thank you, thank you for stopping me.

I think that we all need to take a step back if we feel guilty in a moment like this, why do we feel that, is there any reason for that and how could we stop feeling like that.

For me these are the answers to those questions. I felt guilty because the old me thought that I am letting my boss down. I had no reason for that because I did all I could to help the situation and informed about it all as soon as I noticed it. I had to say to myself that I have done nothing wrong and that there’s nothing wrong with staying in bed when sick, it’s actually smart and makes me a person who listens to my body. 🙂

So from now on, I will try to be a bit nicer to myself and rest when it’s needed.

PMA ❤