First Week of Marathon Training

First week of training behind, didn’t go as planned all the way but “listen to your body” was the thing to do.

Here’s how the original plan was and what I did:

Monday – restday; long bikeride and walking with the dog

Tuesday – 3miles (4,82km); 3,17miles (5,11km)

Wednesday – 5miles (8km); 5,03miles (8,09km)

Thursday – 3miles (4,82km); restday and traveling to Berlin at night for We Own The Night

Friday – restday; We Own The Night Berlin 10K, 00:53:02

Saturday – 8miles (12,87km); restday and traveling back home

Sunday – cross; restday

So, more rest than the plan said, but I really needed it. I learned the hard way that I can’t go on without proper sleep. Traveling late night to Berlin and only sleeping few hours, touristing and racing in the night was just too much to my body and when I got home I had no energy to do any training. I actually slept for good 12 hours and woke up to sunday with a tired mind and body, almost feeling little sick. So I took slow and nice walk with my dog and ate good, strawberries for breakfast :). Sometimes our bodies tell us what to do, and I had to listen mine.

And now… about the race! It was a solodolo thing, like my first race back in Helsinki last August. I felt pretty tired and somehow reluctant before the start, but then at the start line I felt the adrenaline kicking in, really kicking in! There was around 14,000 girls running the race and really narrow streets… That meant a lot of zig zagging and trying to get around to run without any fuss. I felt super strong and fast, something that I haven’t in a long time. I somehow couldn’t believe it. But I kept going and pushed on. There was only one moment when I thought that have I pushed too hard, but then I kept thinking and saying my motto in my head “You got this, You got this!”. One of the best parts of the race was when I realized that I was almost at 9km and there was Run Pack Berlin cheering, and boy did they!! I was all about gunfingers and happiness by that point and just flew past with a huge smile on my face! Thank you guys and girls!!

There were some things that made the experience little sour. Before the race day, there was no proper directions about where the whole thing is going to be, especially if you were from outside Berlin. Even at the race day I didn’t really have any idea where to go. I got some directions from a friend and knew the area, so I did find the place but even around the area, there was no signs or anything. At the race village there was a lot of girls from around the world or at least how I understood from what I heard. And everything and all the info was only in german. I did understood most of it and could help this girl I met there from Denmark, but as in general it was not well organized. That was a slight bummer, and having that many girls running on super narrow roads was a bit of a bummer too. But realizing how strong I can be and how much I can push myself if I believe in myself, are more than I could wish. Strong mind, strong body equals strong race! 🙂

Now it’s new week and new runs ahead, lot of learning behind in only this short time… What will this all bring out of me, that’s what I’m interest in! 😉

Dear Diary…

I got sick last friday, AGAIN, and this time for real. It felt like the time before this, which basically means the last month, I was punished by not resting enough and really calming down.

So now I really had to respect my body, like really really, respect my body. I might it my case before to “Listen To My Body” and I guess I didn’t. I have been too busy to be bored, waiting to get better, thinking about what I need and want to do, worrying about not having enough time to train and this and that… I realized that that is not the best way to get better.

So the last days I have been just resting and actually staying in bed, which is, yes, boring but very needed now.

Can someone say why it’s so hard to calm down and really rest?!

Also why do I keep feeling guilty of needing rest and getting better. I have all these things in my head that I keep repeating and I feel more and more guilty of not being able to do them… This is useless so my training with patience keeps challenging me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L53gjP-TtGE&feature=youtu.be

I just really wish to be healthy again, being able to run and do all those things that I think now and see my friends. Soon, patience Mirka, patience! 

First done, 11 to go…

Last week started with a notion of need to do 40,23km, I felt still exhausted from December but the pain in my legs was moving away, so I attacked the week but noticed pretty quickly that it might be just too much for my body. Because I ran everyday in December the Nike Running Coach calculated that I should just do the advanced training plan, which meant running pretty much 6 days a week for 12 weeks. And after only one week my body said no way! The pain in my calf and ankle came back and I was worried that I might injure myself and would put my Half in jeopardy. Not the best end for your first training week… So today I had to have heart to heart with myself and realize that not pushing too hard does not make me a loser, but a smarter listener of my body and through that better runner, for sure! So I changed my training plan to an easier one and will be able to have something else in my mind than only running. I was also worried that my way of love for running will suffer with the pressure that I was putting on myself.

So here’s my first week in photos and some comments:

Monday

This was my run of 2014, first training day, first day to run back in Hannover in the flatland after those hills back in Finland. Relaxed 4,8km to run, so I took my dog with me and off we went. Nice, calm rain run, nothing special. Was definitely careful and listening my legs after weird pain, but thank god nothing special.

 

Tuesday

Had 8,05km to run and for some reason was pushing it super late, so I had to run in the darkness… Conquering a small part of my fear of the dark, so some benefits there! Felt pretty good, some serious speed growth, which always surprises me. I think I’m used to be little “slower” than others, and kind of am totally okay with it, but then when I’m the one who is running faster I get all confused haha!

Wednesday

Another 8,05km to run with some speed training, in the form of Fartlek (it means you run certain period of time faster than your easy pace, then some in even faster and then back to easy pace, and again). I seriously thought that I would die or that my legs would fall off, but they are still there, so I guess all is good. I remember thinking while pushing myself that I can’t do this and then kind of slapping myself on my wrist and saying that shut up, you should be proud of what you do! I am so proud that I’m this far after a year. I think it’s pretty cool that I’m training for my first official Half Marathon! That is Cool! 🙂

Thursday

I felt so blaah, my legs hurt and I was exhausted! But good for me, it was a restday. Walk with the dog and some serious foamrolling, that hurt like hell!

 

 

 

Friday 

6,44km to run. I did it late evening with my dog, rain run again but my dog always makes me remember to enjoy what I’m doing. Definitely felt the runs in my legs and just felt that all is not good. Did it anyway and that is super important to me!

 

 

Saturday

First long run of my training. Usually 12,9km don’t feel too bad but this time it felt partly like it’s never going to end, pain in my legs and huge rainstorm. In the middle of my run I stopped and just stood in the rain and thought to myself that how lucky am I! Even if it hurts, I’m doing this because I decided and I’m pretty kick ass because of that! And sunday was going to be a restday ;).

Sunday

RESTDAY! Went for a long walk in the forest with a friend and the doggy. It was exactly what I needed, legs felt little painful but better. In the evening I was watching the 49ers game and stretching and foamrolling, little icing too.

All together the week was, again, kind of educational but amazing. So now with fresh mind to the new training week with new training plan. Though little guilty mind from not running today but spending it resting my legs and doing some core work. Have to get rid of that stupid guilt!! PMA is the thing here!! 🙂

Today has been one of “those” days. I’ve been feeling angry, lonely, just little bit crappy.

Honestly, I’m terrified of this following fall. I have no idea what to do with my life. Yeah, I have my bf and I want to be with him, but I’m talking about my own life. I know that I want to run, but that doesn’t bring money to my bank account or food on the table. I’m little bit ashamed that I have been a “hausfrau” for so long. I feel that I have lost my lust for life, at least for some part. I feel guilty and somehow sad that my bf “has” to come back from his dream place to here. I have this stupid image in my head about him suffering here and that it’s better for him there and he just doesn’t say that he doesn’t want to come back to this shit. Okay, I’m feeling shit now, so this doesn’t mean that I feel this all the time, just now and in my deepest and darkest fear moments.

I’ve had this feeling for a long time that I just don’t want to stay here, not in Hannover and not in Germany. I still say that I want to give a chance to this country but I just feel like why should I?! When I moved I was definitely escaping something, I didn’t feel like that but that’s the truth. I wanted to have an new start but I feel that I got sucked to a shit hole and now I’m struggling to get back to the air. Why didn’t I choose to move to a place where I knew something, like the place or the language. But No, I chose to move to a totally unknown place with nothing!

Even if I don’t like the place or some of the people, I have my love here. And I feel less shitty because we both want to move away from here at some point, me earlier, as you can probably see. And if I haven’t moved here, we wouldn’t have met, so… there’s always something good too.

Some of these feelings are supposed to be normal after you move to another country and have lived there for six months or little over… You are experiencing something called “culture shock”. At some point, I’m definitely in a deep one at the moment. So deep that just a little while ago when I was out with my dog, I started crying because I was so tired of dog owners here not respecting the fucking fact that my dog is in a leash and if I’m pulling him away or putting him on the other side of me, it doesn’t mean that you should let your dog to come as close as possible or if your dog is without a leash, let it just run to mine who is in a leash! That incident, that has happened millions times here after we moved, just opened something way bigger in me. And I just started crying. Of being tired of this all. Of being terrified of my future.

A lot of times, I don’t want to admit this, I think that why don’t I just go back to Finland. At least I wouldn’t have to feel like shit, because I don’t learn this language fast enough. I think there’s part of me that just wants to give up, but I know that the reason for me staying and pushing that feeling down, is my bf. I know that if we would live in different countries, we couldn’t do this, or it would be super difficult and hard. There are moments when I feel really lonely about the fact that I can’t speak my own language. I didn’t realize how important part that is about who you are. And because finnish is not like the most used language, I feel that people just make fun of it like it’s some made up shit. They don’t understand that they are disrespecting me and who I am. I even heard that why would someone learn it because you don’t need it! Well, you don’t probably need it here in your everyday life but fuck, I would love to speak me sometimes!

I don’t want to go to a parties or places where there are a lot of people, because usually people ask you these normal question like “what have you been doing?” or “well what would you like to do?”. Well, I haven’t been doing anything else than running and I have no fucking idea. But you shouldn’t answer like that and I feel ashamed that I’m so lost and I never would say something like that, because I’m a people pleaser. So I mostly keep to my self, sometimes see some people but don’t feel like I belong. Not like I never have nice time. I just don’t feel like I have people that I can relate here, and I know that I should probably try harder but I’m just tired of trying all the time.

And I really would like to know what I want to do with my life and what is my passion and this and that?! But I have no idea, or I’m only thinking of running all the time. And stupid me feels that that is a bad thing! I don’t understand that I have a THING that I’m passionate about, but I have this pressure in my head that says that “you’re almost 30, should you probably know already something!”. I’m trying my hardest to figure out what I’m good at and if I could find something that I would love to do for a living, but I always come to running and what I could do with that passion, but then feel like that’s not good enough! Shit!

I know that if I wouldn’t start running and writing this blog, I would be in a lot worse place with myself at the moment. I know it, it’s not rocket science to me. I know me. Running gave me a reason to believe in myself, power to love myself, be proud of myself, so so many things! And I have never ever wrote anything, in school I hated it, diaries eeeww! And now I couldn’t think of not having this for myself. Things change, that’s for sure! I’m optimistic, that is for sure too :).

Here’s two songs that I heard back to back on my walk when I was crying and they hit home, like music tends to do.

“They say you’ll find yourself one of these days
As if they know I’m lost…”

“You help me lose my mind
And you believe something I can’t define”

I also read this pretty amazing thing today and I want to share it because, yes.

” I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers. We have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We both have lived with lips more scar tissue than skin.

Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we’d given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal.

I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you.

And I will not be afraid of your scars. I know sometimes it’s still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know:

whether it’s the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

I will love you when you are a still day. I will love you when you are a hurricane.”

– Clementine von Radics “Mouthful of Forevers”

Restday.

And a good one but sundays suck! Somehow I miss my boyfriend on sundays, they are supposed to be spend with your favorite person, they are made for that! 🙂

Well I spend it with watching running documentary about marathon running, called Spirit Of The Marathon. You should watch it if you are interested in running at all. Amazing people, elite runners and everyday heroes. And of course I was crying! It’s impossible not to when you’re watching something like that!

It made me feel scared of marathons and at the same time made me feel that someday it’s something I want and need to do, for myself. But first I need to run some small race, any race, to get that fear of racing away from my system :).

Tomorrow is going to be an awesome day! My Mom is coming to visit me :). We haven’t seen each other since March and I really miss and am excited to see her!

I found out that they made second documentary with the same name! So excited to see it!!

I also read this awesome thing today, that exactly says how I feel about my boyfriend. Love you❤

“When I am with you, there is nowhere else I’d rather be. And I am a person who always wants to be somewhere else.” – David Levithan: How They Met, and Other Stories