I have a friend, whose been there for me since I started running. She has a story that you should listen and know. She happened to run 5 marathons in 2013 in 5 days. Here’s a documentary in the making of that all and why she runs. Please check the link and share the love and if you can, help them finish this beautiful project! ❤
Only couple of weeks and my marathon training begins! Super excited!
As I wrote before, I chose to use Hal Higdons plan and because I am in a way old school, I wanted to do my training plan in a notebook. So I got this nice notebook and took one spread for everyday. And for everyday there is what I need to do and I have room to write how I felt, how was the run, what I ate, what shoes I wore, just room to keep track of my training. And if there’s anything else I want to write.
Before my training starts I get to go home to Finland and basically hug my whole family for two weeks :). Stoked!
Also, because I have this bad habit on my long runs, which is I always drink too little. So because I knew that, I knew that a bottle is not enough on those future long runs and I started searching for a hydration vest, which was easier than I thought because I already knew a little what I wanted and I had some tips from other girls.
So I got this Nathan Torchlight Intensity vest, which is 3M material so I will be well seen and has 2L bladder and it fits super good on me. Can’t wait for those long runs and be able to test this bad girl! And it has pink on it, which is a bonus :).
Also, if you are interested about great inspiring and motivating listen, have a check of this podcast with Robin Arzon:
Super heros do exist!
I have couple, but this amazing lady is my first and most important!!
Robin Arzon!! I have written about her before, but now this amazingness has gotten some bumps on her journey and that doesn’t really seem to stop or even slow her down. Basically I bow down on your amazingness.
ME Image… What we see when we look in to a mirror.
I don’t know if there’s anyone who is completely happy with their body. I have hated my body, I have wished that I could just slice some parts off. I’ve never wanted to hurt myself, I think I just didn’t hate myself enough. That sounds really weird or bad or whatever but that’s the reason. And I’m happy about that. It’s good to know that even when I feel like shit, I still have this teeny tiny voice inside of me that says that you’ll be fine.
This past year I’ve started really loving myself and who I truly am. That doesn’t mean that I love myself all day everyday, but it means that I don’t have hatred towards myself that much either. I’m rewriting who I am, with more positive outlook in life.
I’ve let my depression, other people, the thought what I think people are expecting from me, rule over the part of me that is amazing. I didn’t listen my inner self, I listened the one that cared so much what others were saying. Or that I thought were saying.
I’m turning 30 in couple of weeks and mostly I’ve been happy about it. It also brings those thoughts that have I done anything with my life, should I be further in my life, should I this or that. But I think I wasn’t ready before, I wasn’t ready to be brave enough to really look at myself and change the things that I wasn’t happy about. I was too afraid to see who I really am and what I really want from myself. And I know only parts of that at the moment, I learn more every day and I hope that learning never stops. I don’t want to be “ready”.
I have had these “power trip” moments so many times in my life, but they never actually went anywhere. They only jumped up and disappeared then. So nothing actually happened. Something is actually happening now, not only saying and not doing. And that is something I’m extremely proud of!
I feel that I haven’t really lived at all in my life until now. But this is the perfect time to start living and start rewriting my story. I actually started it already start of last year, and all that has been a preparation for this.
I started with body image… I’ve always known what I should do to be more happy with my mirror image, but I have just been too lazy and not caring enough about myself. Eating chips and saying I’m not good enough were more than getting up and actually changing something. It’s a lot easier to feel sorry for yourself than to be proud.
That picture in the beginning is me now, for me it shows that I’ve done so much since I started, it also shows that I still have part of that lazy not caring old me inside of me. But that’s okay, I don’t need to beat myself up for that. I don’t need to start eating nothing and doing some crazy exercises, because that’s not me. I think I’ve tried those in some level in my past. But the most important thing to me is that, that is me, real me. And let me tell you that it wasn’t the easiest thing to put that there, it’s not something that I wanted everyone to know…
But even through all those feelings, it’s me. I’m strong, inside and out! I’m in the middle of my journey and I don’t even want to look like those girls on “Fit Tumblrs” that are actually way too skinny and just wrong models to all of us. I want to be real, strong, me, healthy with little extra if that’s how I’m suppose to be. And I’m beautiful!
Those aren’t easy things to say and even believe, but I’m getting there. I’m liking this work in progress state of me. It means that something is happening. I’m excepting myself and that’s what we need to do first. I still have moments when I don’t feel good about something in me, but then I have more moments when I do and that is progress to better.
My body is quite amazing to be honest… I like that I have little booty, I like that I can have actual muscles if I work out, I love how I feel strong and powerful these days. And the stuff inside my head isn’t too bad either… :).
I have this song that I’ve always loved, but now that I’m writing this I heard it again and the meaning changed completely. I even have the song name tattooed on me because for me it has always meant a part of me, through everything I’m “Indestructible”.
“And I never was smart with love
I let the bad ones in and the good ones go
But I’m gonna love you like I’ve never been hurt before
I’m gonna love you like I’m indestructible
Your love is ultra magnetic and it’s taking over
This is hardcore
Ooh and I’m gonna love you like
Like I’ve never been hurt before
I’m gonna love you like I’m indestructible
Your love is ultra magnetic and it’s taking over
This is hardcore
And I’m indestructible”
Before it was about me being able to love someone else, a partner, but now it’s all about myself and being able to really love myself. That’s huge!
It’s really cool to get a chance from yourself to realize that I can start over, I’m not doomed!
The thing is that I can keep doing what I did before and keep feeling sorry for myself, but I will loose everything and everyone that I love if I do that. And I don’t really feel too good when I’m like that. So, I’m slowly learning how I can feel better and having people that make me feel better around me. It’s hard to put those imaginary boundaries out there and block some people out of your life, but it’s really important. For me it’s called ” healthy selfishness”. Also being able to say things that are hard to say, I need to do that for my own happiness, it’s not easy but it’s worth it. I’ve done some and it feels great afterwards! Winning! 🙂
The point is that I can either let other define me and be unhappy OR define myself and be happy! That is a hard thing to choose I know…
I have a real life superhero in my life, her name is Robin Arzon. I found her through social media and since then, one way or another, she’s been there for me and keeps pushing me in my journey to ME. She’s part of me believing all the good in me, loving myself and when I feel like I can’t run anymore I think of her and channel my inner Robin/Beyonce and things usually work out :). I’m ending this post with clip from CatalystCreativ Speaker series, where Robin was speaking. She made me cry with her words, because she spoke the truth. Something I knew but was too afraid to do. Thank you Robin for being a part of the force that pushes me to a better ME.
“YOU’RE THE CEO OF YOUR BODY” -Robin Arzon (my spirit animal)
There’s something big bubbling in me and I’m still little lost with what it is. It has a lot to do with running, eating better and dreaming even more about trail running and Ultras.
There’s something about Ultras that fascinate me to so new way and somehow go deeper than anything else before. They have consumed my head and thoughts. Yes, I still want to run a marathon, because I want to do that, but I’ve realized that I’m the happiest when I run in the nature, not on the paved road.
That sounds extremely weird coming from me, because just short time ago, I hated walking bare feet on my parents backyard lawn. I felt that it was yucky, that I was kind of scared of what there might be under or crawling on my feet. I’ve never been the biggest fan of insects, but back then they really creeped me out. It’s not like that part has completely changed but some kind of respect and interest towards nature has risen it’s head in me. I don’t have that much experience with being in the nature, except when I was a kid, I was always in my Grandparents yard and garden, it was huge and filled with all kinds of awesome plants. I remember sitting inside of the raspberry bush and just enjoying the silence and eating them of course :). My grandma used to take me to this forrest close to their house and we had a fairytale forrest there, with stories and snacks and what ever. And some time I spend with my grandpa in his “ateljé” or woodworkshop, one of my absolute favorite places in the world! My grandparents certainly let me be free and try whatever I had in mind. I had good boundaries and if I did something wrong, I knew it, but that felt like safe haven to me. Years passed on and I have totally lost that part of myself, the person who didn’t care at all what others thought of me, I never felt alone even though I never had that much friends, I did have some imaginary friends or companions. Probably many of them, because I don’t remember just one.
I remember when my Mom was here to visit me and we were talking about my childhood and how I was back then, it was awful to hear how free spirited in a way I had been and I could remember that but also noticed that I have totally lost that part and maybe the biggest part of who I am during my late teens, early twenties and now. I’ve been feeling long time like I’m not who I really am. Maybe I’m slowly getting back to who I really am. I hope.
Maybe I like to run, because then I feel free. And I always feel little weird running on a place where there are other people or some “popular” running route. I love to enjoy things free and alone. That’s probably why the idea of Ultra running makes sense to me. It seems to be pretty solitary thing to do.
Sometimes I really would love to run with other people, there is a yearn for that, but I don’t feel like I need it all the time. I would really like to run with my bf, just to see how we do. And that’s something we will try. But there was a time when I was yearning to have a running crew around me all the time. I think it would be nice to have a group that you would feel that you belong and your dreams wouldn’t be weird, because others have them too. And it’s not like I want to be alone all the time, but I like it.
Couple days ago I was running my normal 10k route with my dog, without music, just listening my breathing, my steps and it felt amazing. He’s one of the best running buddies, if he feels like it :). Somedays he just wants to do other things more, just like we all… But I remember thinking that morning that I don’t want to run and that I’m tired and my legs don’t feel that nice. And then I go and run and it feels better than anything else! There was something in me that just unlocked or something. I also watched some clips about Anton Krupicka, amazing trail and ultra runner. He’s such a inspiration to me!! And I realized that the people I admire the most in running world are both or all, trail or ultra runners :D. My super hero, RobinNyc, Anton Krupicka and Scott Jurek!
There’s something in all of those people that spark something deep in me, some peace, some fire and so so so much inspiration and motivation!
I’ve noticed that I feel best when I run more than 5k. After 10k I feel amazing, but if I run 5k, I feel really sore and not so good and it feels that I have to recover more than after a long run. So if that keeps on being like that, maybe I could run an ultra some day! I always feel that after maybe 3 or 4 kilometers I really start to run and the more I run the better I feel. Maybe because the more I run, the more I have to be with my own self and deal with all those doubts or pains or whatever is in my mind. It’s the will part in me that I love to test and what I have never ever done before. That even sounds ridiculous now that I wrote it down, but yes, that is what I love.
There is a part in me, that questions that is this interest only a phase or is this something that will be with me long and grow stronger? I’m almost known for getting into something so fast and so much that my interest drops pretty fast and that’s the biggest reason for nothing sticking with me. But there’s something different with running. Something that is really like I said, bubbling under. Running is in me, some days I notice that it’s what I have been thinking the most…
I’m not doing all that I can at the moment for it, but I think I’m going to the right direction. There’s still huge part of me that is too used to the “old” me and those old habits, but slowly and surely I’m finding the right path towards better Me.
One huge thing that I have been pondering a lot is to eat only plant based food. It’s been a process in me for almost a year. Sometimes it’s still meat or chicken or fish but I know that I don’t need them to survive or feeling better or stronger. It’s been more because I love the taste or just how somethings are. But the more I do research the more I feel interested and willing to try more and more. I already know that I feel better when I don’t eat red meat, or meat in general. It’s not a new thing for me, my stomach just doesn’t really like them that much. I think the biggest thing has been my lack of knowledge in plant based food and how to prepare proper foods. Now I’m gathering more and more info every day, and the encouraging thing is that there are a lot of endurance athletes that are on plant based diets and doing better than ever!
I think I’m going more and more in to this less is more direction. When I was moving to Germany, I wanted to be able to have so little stuff that if I want to move again, I could just do that. I feel all the time that I want less and don’t want to have “mess or clutter” in my life. I don’t have much but I feel that I can strip somethings from that too. Books doesn’t apply on this, you can never have enough books!!
Everything from beauty products to clothes to things that I thought that I need, they just have been dropping away from my mind and made room for better being with myself. I’m not perfect and will never be, but I feel better and I will always dream of those and that running things! 🙂
Now some pilates and then enjoying the rest of my day!