Like A Hulk

You know that feeling when you just smile by yourself and you’re the only one who knows why…
Well this morning when I was walking with my dog, I had one of those moments. Earlier I was talking about my fear of shorts…in this heat I had to cave in.
So I was walking today and all of sudden I started smiling and the reason was:
The shorts that I had on were getting tight from my thighs and super loose from my belly :).
Those shorts are cut from my bf loose jeans and they were really tight last month, especially from my belly.
This was the first moment that I really felt the change in my body! Pretty awesome feeling! 🙂
I guess it’s the same with yourself seeing the changes than someone who is close to you and sees you every day… You just don’t see it. But maybe even I can stop worrying about if my bf notices something or maybe I’ll wait and see :).
I have been waiting some kind of “sign” and now I got it!


Fear Of Shorts

Yes, I have fear of wearing shorts. There’s only couple of summers in my life when I liked them, when I was 13 and was running track and doing sports and couple of years ago when I was bikemessenger in Helsinki.
I do wear them at home and while running but those are moments when I don’t “have” to care. Other times I just feel uncomfortable and super conscious of my legs and that I don’t like how they are.
I had a dream this spring when I first started running that this is THE summer, but it’s not.

I want to be able to be proud of my legs and be able to just wear what I want. I have a lot of phobias about my body. There was a time when I was really heavy and I still see myself like that for some reason. Maybe I’m scared that I will look like that again and I don’t want to because I was the saddest back then.
And I know that I can be healthy and skinny. I know it, because I have lost those bad kilos many times but I don’t think I was ready to love myself enough to keep them away. But I owe to my body that I don’t Jo-Jo anymore, my poor body should not have to take that!

I hate how at summer my thighs rub together! I can’t wear dresses without hurting and feeling annoyed.

I have a dream to be able to wear what ever I want, run in those short shorts without thinking about how I look and maybe someday I can wear a bikini proudly.