It’s time for me to stop! Stop something that I have been doing since I was pre teenager, something that is super addictive, super bad habit, ridiculously stupid and makes me feel like shit at best!
PROBLEM is this: I pick my face, as in squeeze pimples, impurities, zits, blackheads, whatever they are called. And I do it like a seasoned pro. I can spend, and this is not a joke, hours with this amazing past time hobby.
PROBLEM is also the fact that with this I have manage to make these nice scars all over my face. I call them craters, because they kind of look like that. And with picking my face, there’s always new pimples emerging. Like we all know, or now you do, the more you squeeze the more they pop up. So the only time my face looks pretty nice is when I’m on a holiday and can’t spend all that time in front of a mirror.
Yesterday evening I had this huge massacre moment again, no reason for it whatsoever. And I say that because this hobby has been a tension/ stress release thing for me for many many years. I don’t and have never really been into drinking, smoking, or these classic addictions. But this thing I have kept close to me forever.
The thing is that I am 30! And my face looks some days like a proper teenagers… Today in the morning when I looked at myself in the mirror, I just felt that it’s time to finally stop this bullshit. I am getting older which means, by all nature ways, that my skin gets looser and my pores aren’t as tight as they were ten years ago. Anyone who knows me well enough, like people who have lived or live with me, know this problem. I even have said after these joyrides to my boyfriend, “I raped my face… again…”. Yes.
But there’s something in this that gives such a satisfaction, that moment when a pimple just pops, some deep underground blackhead explodes! There’s something amazing and super victorious in those moments. Yes, that sounds ridiculous, I know, but hey we all have our things.
But there’s also days when I have been depressed, down on myself, just not okay and kind of punished my face for all the other feelings… And after short amount of time, I have manage to look so bad that I can’t even think of going outside. There’s some serious victory for you!
So after pondering the ups and downs of this favorite past time… I decided to start this challenge. Last year at this same time I had a another challenge for July. Little bit more life changing than this, but anyways. So I thought, let’s do this! It’s July Challenge time!
I even figured that now that I am in Twitter, I have to have a hashtag for those future AAARGH moments when all I want to do is just squeeze the hell out of that tiny pimple! And that glorious hashtag is #SaveYourFaceStupid :D. So, please do follow me in Twitter for these amazing updates about this glorious challenge :D. I am there by the name @thisbirddecided.
So, the challenge, that I will regret already this night as I wash my face and see that tiiiiiny pimple that screams for me to help himhersomething, is that I am not allowed to squeeze anything out of my face for the month of July! Fuck! I will die of definitely something!!
The point of this is that I have few dreams or goals. First, I actually found this organic cosmetic brand that my super sensitive skin seems to like, but because I keep doing this, I never really know. And then secondly, and little bit bigger dream or goal of mine: I really would love to model as in fitness and street wear photos. So, it would be a bit easier and nicer, more confident, with less red dots all over or some random dry spots.
This will be hard for me. Old BAD habits die hard, but I am ready to try my best! Which will probably me being like this… standing in front of the mirror screaming or just almost doing something and realizing that I can’t… The struggle will be real, for sure!
These photos that I have here, show really well those scars, but also remind me of my dream. As they are the first photos that we took to move forward my dream. P.S. I only have little powder, mascara and blush in these photos so no covering here.