To Sum Up 2014

IMG_6288For a good couple of weeks I’ve felt that I need to sum up 2014, mostly for myself. Though I think it’s nice to get it out there.

But the main thing is that I don’t seem to understand how much good has happened to me this past year. Others seem to see it, but I’m in this weird bubble of not realizing.

Today I went through my blog for the past year, checking the posts that I’ve written. Noticing how much has happened in really short time. Mostly really good things, a lot of doubt, some deep depression, and a lot of running. I’ve lost a lot in 2014, but I think I’ve gained even more.

The Spring was a lot of down moments, injuries and learning from them. And falling into depression from that all, but getting up and running my first Half Marathon in Berlin. Getting adopted to a running crew, Still Waters Run Deep MCR, to have a running family to call mine. Having my first interview, on Reason To Play, crazy important to me. Thank you Karen! I turned 30, and was stoked about that. Had the best birthday party with tacos and so much love! Trying to find who I am and what I want in my life. Finding so many new friends, the closest these days. Finally broke that 1000km that I was chasing. Started to train for my first Marathon that I never ran. Visiting family in Finland with a new mindset and had the best time.

The Summer time, wow! Things really started to move forward, there were a lot of things happening in Hannover, not nice things, that pushed me forward. Ran the nicest Half in Hackney, taking a crewmember and close friend to the finish line, Jamie, I’ll always keep that memory super close to my heart! That time in London got me so much more me, that I had been yearning. And got me so amazing new friends that boom! Those new friends helped me with the next chapter in my life. I finally admitted to myself that I need to move away from Germany, to be able to be truly happy. And all of sudden I was moving to Copenhagen to an amazing adopting family, Christina and the kids, you in my heart! 🙂

CHEER DEM CREW !!!!

CHEER DEM CREW !!!!

The Fall… I moved to Copenhagen, realized that I am in a long distance relationship for real. Had the most amazing first two weeks in my new home city and then the bomb dropped with full force. My Grandma passed away. It felt like all stopped. I was alone in a new place, couldn’t say my goodbyes, even though I knew that we had said all that we wanted. But still, her passing threw my whole life upside down. All of sudden I was so lost and didn’t know what to do. And one day I knew what I need to do, I need to move back home to Finland to be with my family. So I made the decision and this huge burden lifted from my shoulders. But before that I ran the Copenhagen Half in my Grandmas memory, to take the medal to her grave. I got the change to be my last weekend with all my international running family and my crew members, could not ask for anything better in that time of my deepest sadness. So much love and support that it just took over all the pain and carried me on. Thank you to all of you! ❤IMG_4888-0

And then I was back in Finland. My own family had been ripped in three, one in Germany, me in Finland and even my longest familymember, my dog had to be away from me. He has the best “step”home now, with his amazing Uncle :). No love lost there! But being without him and my bf isn’t the easiest, day by day situation but we do the best we can.IMG_6323

I had to deal or try to deal with the loss of my Grandma. Still no idea how at times, but day by day that gets easier. Trying to remember all the good, and there are a lot of those moments.

Living at my parents place, confused but happy to be with my family. All of sudden starting my new job, after not working for good three years. Just jumping in the deep end. Enjoying and terrified at the same time. Seeing Helsinki in new eyes, seeing way more good than ever before. But noticing that I am here only for little while, my journey is still not ready for settling in one place. At this time I wrote my first piece for Pavement Bound, new amazing website about all things running, where I’m one of the contributors at the moment.image (2)

And then things just started going forward so fast that I am still trying to figure out what is going on… I started running only in a forest, really giving myself the change to learn how to be in silence with myself and the nature. Really knowing that that is my happyplace and I just have no interest in running on the road if I don’t have to anymore. I had already signed for my first Ultra, Fyr til Fyr, this April in Bornholm, but I wanted more. So I signed up for White Rose Ultra, which is going to be in UK, also it’s going to be a 100KM. Dreams are meant to be making true!

I found this amazing new brand from Finland, called Arctic Warriors and I contacted them. And after some mails, I had them as my first sponsor for my Goals2015! They make the most amazing supplements, all locally grown and using old knowledge with the plants in them. Then when I was just searching for a Patagonia jacket and ended up finding one at Ruoto For Flyfishing store, talking more and more with the owner, Joonas. Ending the conversation to the deal of me being a trail running ambassador for their store, using Patagonia! Just maybe a week before this, I told to my friend that my goal is to be a runner for Patagonia! 😀 Not there yet, but the door is open and I’m ready for the adventure!IMG_5249

I started yearning simpler life and wrote a piece here about wanting a dirtbaggery life. And just before Christmas I was chosen to be an ambassador for Dirtbag Runners, which was insane dream come true!image (3)

So how can I sum up this year?! It’s been the hardest and the best year ever in my life! Every day brings something new, most of the time I have no idea what is coming and I’m slowly starting to be okay with it. My family is all over the place, my friends are even more all over the place and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world! Never had this much support and love in my life. I never knew that I can be in this great place with myself after all what’s happened. But here I am, sometimes sobbing my eyes out but most of the time smiling, because everything is pretty great and I am pushing forward, doubt and all. I definitely forgot a lot from here, but the main point is that I am in a good place and my dreams are getting closer to being reality every day. I have to believe in myself and them and they will come true! The struggle might be real but I have amazing belief in going through it no matter what haha :).

Thank you to all that I have in my life, I could not go through this year without you. Your love and support are the biggest blessings in my life and I am so grateful to have family and friends all over the world. Thank you! ❤ IMG_6294

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All This New

IMG_4244Yes, all this new!

I was on a long walk today with my dog and realised that I really just want to move already. It was one of the funniest feelings in a very long time.

Just last week I made the decision that I will move back to Finland, where I haven’t lived in 2 years. Oh, it will be so interesting to go back.

I will definitely have some kind of super reverse culture shock. That will be interesting!

I am also filled with ideas what to do, how to make my blog better and more this and that. My head is just bubbling with ideas. It hasn’t been this giddy in long time, so this is nice :).

Things that also make me happy about moving back are things like, finally going to start yoga at my friends yogastudio, Pihasali. I’m finally going to learn how to knit, thanks to my Mom. I get to go to the gym with my rockstar Mom, muscles here I come! I get to see my friends more than one afternoon in 6 months. And I get to see my family!

But the main thing for me is that I actually want to move and go back there. I haven’t wanted that in 2 years. I really didn’t want to go back.

For me going back before was like the biggest loser mark on my forehead. Like I gave up on something. But hell no I am not!

How much have I changed in these 2 years?! Insanely.

Did I care about myself two years ago, not much. Did I run and have friends all over the world, nope. Was I part of the best running crew, Still Waters Run Deep, well hell no I wasn’t. But now I am. And in a week I get to run with my crewmates in my Granmas honor here in Copenhagen! BOOM!

I have a feeling that there are some big things poppin’ soon! So I have planned and I believe that the universe agrees with me!

So let’s just end this to an super positive note!

Gratitude. PMA. Peace. Love. Blessed. Undoordinary. Breath. YES!IMG_4729

 

Marathon Training week 8

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First of all, I love running really long training runs, after 10km I’m ready to go forever, or at least quite long :).

Secondly, training for a marathon and moving to another country is interesting. I got all bummed this morning when I realized that I might not be able to run my 18mile/29km run, because of this. A lot has changed in little over a year… But I am so happy to be who I am at the moment and so happy to take all my future days and adventures and make myself proud even more than I already am!

So last week was good and first time emotionally hard, not because of running, this moving is bringing emotions that I didn’t expect to pop up. Day at a time, with a positive mind, or at least try that positive part hard! 🙂

Week 8

Tuesday – 4miles/6,43km planned, 6,52km done. Super slooooow buddyrun. I love how my dog is super stoked to leave and then after one km he’s all bored and doesn’t want to move anymore, but, when turn back home he’s all fire again haha!20140721-131414-47654356.jpg

Wednesday – 7miles/11,26km planned, moving stuff to do.

Thursday – 4miles/6,43km planned, 8,18km done. For some reason didn’t feel at all interested in going for a run, but I made myself do it and of course it felt amazing! Happy and proud!20140721-131414-47654140.jpg

Friday – Some strength training with Nike NTC app.20140721-131839-47919777.jpg

Saturday – 15miles/24,14km planned, 25km done! Like I said, I love these long runs. They just make me feel so strong and capable of anything! Stoked!20140721-131413-47653931.jpg

Sunday – Little NTC again to stretch my legs and work my core.20140721-131411-47651883.jpg

All in all great week, more of these!

 

 

Marathon Training week 6&7

Past weeks have been so full of life changes that my running and training has suffered a bit. I haven’t lacked in motivation but just felt really tired and exhausted. But last sundays first real long run kind of reminded me that running is actually really fun and why I even do it. I also got a proper whooping last night, when I finally got back to my NTC routine. I felt just really weak, and it was great reminder that I can’t just run, I have to do other things to make myself strong too!

Week 6

Tuesday – 3miles/4,82km planned, resting still for this one.

Wednesday – 6miles/9,65km planned, 6,41km done. Great run in the end, before leaving I was all worried about everything, so this was therapeutic one.

Thursday – 3miles/4,82km planned, 5km done. Latenight buddyrun.

Saturday – 9miles/14,48km planned, switched running to quality familytime.

Week 7

Tuesday – 4miles/6,43km planned, 6,50km done. Lazy rainbuddyrun.

Wednesday – 7miles/11,26km planned, this was the day when my life changed. I got the amazing news that I will move to Copenhagen, Denmark and start a new life there, with happier things in my future. Couldn’t run, too many things and pure shock :D.

Thursday – 4miles/6,43km, 6,83km done. Had been eating way too little, so this was not fun.

Friday – 12km done, well needed stress and anxiety out run.

Sunday – 14miles/22,53km planned, 22,50km done. This run was amazing, I was a bit nervous going for it, but when I started running it just felt so good!

I have to get myself more in the game, if I want to really feel strong while running my first marathon in Berlin end of September. I still have time, so let’s do this!

 

So, What Is Happening…

Exactly a week ago I wrote about my decision of changing scenery. Little did I know that the next day my life would change completely!

This is where those connections and contacts that I have been making come to part. I knew that I have amazing friends and people around the world that I know, but I never thought that they could in a way, save my life.

With a simple question, I ended up having a place in Copenhagen, Denmark to move in and start my life there with a adopt family :). In one day all of my fears were gone! I felt that I am the most loved person in the world! It felt and still very much feels amazing.

So… Copenhagen it is!

NBRO, my future running family. And just to make it clear, I will always be a StillWater first!

NBRO, my future running family. And just to make it clear, I will always be a StillWater first!

 

I didn’t plan it, but it happened and I am really happy about it. Finally I will get my sea and seagulls again, I feel that my life has so much in store for me that I have no idea of, and I’m quite happy about that. I didn’t know that all would change this fast, as at the moment I only have less than two weeks left in Hannover and then I’m off! But I feel that this is exactly the right way for things to go for me. Why wait more, when there’s nothing to wait for…

And the amount of support, WOW! I feel so so loved, liked. Something that I haven’t really ever felt before like this. Thank You!

But this also brings completely different feelings than my last move.

Now I’m packing my life in couple of suitcases like before, but it feels different. Somehow more definite. I have been trying so much to like Germany, and now I have just admitted that I really don’t. It’s not my place in any way and I am finally okay with that. I am sure that people who know me, have known way longer than me how I feel about this place. It just took me quite long to admit that to myself. I feel that I don’t want to even try to explain my feelings now, because I need the space between this and my new life to see things more clearly.

There’s also this calmness about this all this time. I may have more to lose but I also have this peace inside of me, that I am doing the exact right thing, for MYSELF. I suck at thinking myself like this, so this is huge, and I am really proud of myself. I always knew that I have this inside of me, it just took quite long to get out :).

I have no idea what is going to happen in my life but this time I am more excited than scared. I talk about universe, and what universe has in store for me, with some of my close friends. And once I let myself be open to that, things started happening. So may it be your gut feeling, the universe or what ever you feel most comfortable, listen to it and follow your dreams. I am :).

Sea and the seagulls. Reminder of better times ahead from my adopting sister!

Sea and the seagulls. Reminder of better times ahead from my adopting sister!