I needed to shake myself out of the slump I was in, when it came to my dreams and goals and running and training. Which means one thing. Me.
My motivation with training and running has been super low. I knew and realized what is coming and how soon, but nothing in me made me want to get up and go. I had to make myself do it. Pushing without wanting it. I was terribly afraid. Of the distance. Afraid of the fear.
This Monday I was talking to a dear friend about this, and he said few simple things that woke me up just enough to get a bit of a fight in me again. That night I knew that on Tuesday I will run furthest I’ve ever ran before. And that would be 30km. My longest run before had been for a good year, 28,8km. And I knew that I need to go over that to believe that I can, that I have it all in me.
I told this plan to a friend on Monday night, and he gave me an excellent advice, just run. I needed to hear that.
On Tuesday morning I was eating breakfast, watching trail running videos and while watching, I noticed that I was tearing up. I had this question in my mind… Am I tearing up because that truly is my biggest dream and goal OR because I know deep down inside that it’s not what I’m supposed to do?
I got the last and the best supportive words from my boyfriend and off I went. Btw, if any of you are as lucky and blessed as I am with a significant other who supports you and your dreams as much as mine, you are there!
For the first km I just kept saying to myself that “just run, nothing else, just run”. And after a while that was all I did, and the km just passed like nothing. I explored for the first time in my life, I had no idea where I was going, but I just kept going. Found this amazing route going next to the seashore. Loving every step. Listening to the world around me. Thinking about whatever popped to my head. Stopped on top of a cliff to look at the frozen sea. I needed every step of that.
The moment when I realized that I did it, I ran 30km, I teared up and had to say it to myself out loud! You did it! You!
I found myself again, I was back. I felt amazing, like I haven’t just run 30km.
That 30km meant everything to me, everything.
I believe in myself. Again. And my motivation is back. I want this all and more. Listen to your dreams and go after them!