I decided that until I can actually train again, I stop doing these updates. I keep posting but not about this so much.

Last week I did couple of short strength training sessions and they felt hard, I could really see how my body is slowly getting into some hibernation mode. I did also do some massive dancing on saturday at my friends party, that felt amazing, winded haha, but amazing. Was so nice to just dance your little heart out and sing as loud as you can, really go full :). Though I’m not sure how my injured leg felt about it, it hurt little on sunday… But I decided that the having fun and enjoying myself was more than worth it!

My body is not where I wish it would be, but I think I have been wanting an lesson in patience, my old friend that I still don’t want to welcome in my life… So, patience it is then.

This song doesn’t have anything to do with the post, except that it’s amazing!! 🙂

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You know that feeling inside of you, that sometimes quietly says things to you or when it’s too late or you don’t want to listen, screams to you.

I’ve always trusted my gut feeling, usually it has been the right thing to do and listen. Something inside of us knows better, than we do. Maybe not always but if we want to know who we are, it is a voice that all of us should try to learn to listen. But you have to learn which one is the real gut feeling and what is only what you want to hear… There is a difference between those two.

I feel that these days we are not ready to listen to anything, we are in a hurry. In the end, not really to anywhere, but it’s cool to say that you are busy and that you have SOOOO much to do. WHY?! Why is it mark of success to be in a hurry, that is sad as…! We forget to enjoy real things, see people in who they really or more like we don’t want to see or listen how people really are because that is scary. That would mean that the image is not what we wanted to have from that person. When a person has trouble, this world rather pushes it away because it’s kind of ugly. But at the same time there are more and more people struggling with the basics of life and not enough people to want to help them. Let’s just wipe them under the rug and maybe they and those things disappear.

But this kind of behavior makes us, who have had some struggles not trust that easy, even when there is someone who is ready to see and hear all those ugly things. It’s hard to take that help, almost impossible. You feel that you are not worthy, or that it’s just a fluke, that the person just wants to use you someway. The change from not trusting to trusting is hard as fuck, sorry but it is and I know, because I am dealing with that at the moment and it’s part of my journey.

But the reason why it’s so important to learn who you are, and to listen that gut feeling is that, people always think what is best for you, but that doesn’t mean that it is the thing that is best for you. You, in the end have to make the decision and what you feel and think is best for you. That doesn’t mean that that is easy, by any means. Because there are situations when you might have to take huge risk to make yourself happy and not anyone else. It might mean loosing something, but what if it means that you feel stronger and believe that it’s for the better.

In that kind of situation it’s easy to feel helpless, like you are a loser or giving up, like you were and did before, but hey, YOU ARE NEW YOU! And worked hard for that! And yes, this is a note to (my)self too! 🙂

I’m working my way of my old ways, more ways than one. I have my past in super materialism, being super dick head, going so fast that I didn’t even see where I was going at times, putting white lies all over to cover my own stupidity and pure shit. I don’t sound like the nicest person and I sure wasn’t, and the thing that I thought that I’m good, was making myself a victim. But the trouble was that no one believed and I was the only one who I was trying to convince. Surprise, that doesn’t really work. And really fast people get tired of that kind of shit, I would too and I did.

But the thing that I don’t understand is that why are we so scared to really get to know who we really are? Because we are the one who has to live with you, for the rest of your life. So, what does it help to push things that feel like shit away and try to fool yourself to the max, to the point when you yourself believe those lies that you try to feed to others…

My motto this past year has been, ” Less Is More”. Whether it’s stuff, mess in your head, just everything. I’m trying to get rid of things that are in the way of true me and what and where I feel the most peaceful and calm and happy. For me that means getting rid of all of the stuff that I don’t feel and when you start wanting and doing the change in your life, it happens without trying.

While I’m getting rid of things, at the same time my passion and happiness grows with leaps! I might still lust over running stuff every day, it doesn’t mean that you have to be some monk who doesn’t want anything, but in less craziness! Because if I have the newest running shoe or that certain shirt that is cool at the moment, I still don’t feel that much different. But if something makes me being more able to go on with my passion, then more power to me! The main point is that less is just more. I don’t need seven pairs of sneakers, or ten pairs of jeans or what ever. I don’t really need anything else than the love that I have for myself and the people that I feel passionate and love for. And other time I just try my hardest to keep my mind open to everything. I feel richer than ever before with less, that is what is important to me, it proves that I’m going to the right way.

So, learn how to listen your gut and believe in that! I will and I believe in what it says to me!

Gut feeling, let’s do this! 🙂

So, you really get what you wish for…

Annoying, for sure!

Two days ago, I wrote how I want to be able to enjoy life with less headphones and music, well now I’m in the middle of that struggle. Not fun!

And it happened just like I wished but basically not how I wanted of expected. Yes, my phone works, except that all my music has disappeared, just vanished in to the sky and I feel more lost than ever!! I knew that music is super duper important and huge part of me and my life, but the thing that I wanted to reduce is killing me now that I can’t do it like I used to.

It’s not like I can’t listen to music with any other device, but I’m so use to having all on my phone that I feel naked without it.

I didn’t know that I could be so angry, frustrated and ready to throw the whole phone in the ocean if there would be one close :D.

It took me, again, some time before I realized that this is exactly what I wanted to happen, not what I really obliviously wanted but maybe needed more.

Again I was out with my dog, when out of nowhere I started laughing out loud with myself. Realizing what happened and how I reacted :D.

I pray, I believe in my own way that there is some higher being, not sure what but I do. And I have these moments when I feel like something is an answer to my prayer and this is definitely one of those moments. Thank you higher being for calming me down and really making me learn how to be maybe little bit more patient.

Breath in, Run out. 🙂 That’s my motto!

Well, here’s one of my new artist love anyway 😉

Today happened something that made me feel like I’ve dropped of the edge of the world. Pure panic and “what will I do now” came flushing over me like a tidal wave.

In the morning I decided to put my apps on my phone to the newest versions and bought some songs from Itunes and after that all of sudden I decided to upload the new software, knowing that I should save all the things from my phone that I don’t want to loose on my computer. Did I do that, no. I just put the thing in motion and ended up with a dead phone, because of some error…

So… pure panic, phone calls (I have another phone, because the phone that I use most is Sim locked and I only use it basically as a computer) to my bf, few curse words and then just a moment of shitshitshit.

It took me about 20min before I realized that this is one of the best things that happened to me in a while!! Yeah, the first things that came to my mind was that, damn all of my almost 2000 photos are gone. And then the next thing was that shit, I can’t get my km from my running because of my running app and after that it was the panic of loosing all the music. And Instagram, I love me some Instagram!!

Something has definitely changed in me, if I’m able to calm down and see some positive in this. I want to be sure that I use only Me/My/I version in this text, because what ever someone else feels or does in this situation is their thing and because I can’t get away from my stupidity and what ever is coming. This is who I am, what I’m sadly addicted and what I do, not we.

I am more addicted to my Iphone than I thought. Few years ago I didn’t even wanted a smartphone because I hated how people are with them. Then because of some bullshit reason I got one, and there went me too.
I am exactly like “those” people, always staring at my phone, like the real world is passing me by if I don’t know all the time what has happened. Which we all know is pure shit, nothing is passing us by while we don’t check our phones. I even bitch to my bf that he shouldn’t do it but of course I do it… Any ridiculous double standard there?!

I think I knew those few years ago that I will be like the people I don’t like with their phones but it’s easier to cave in in these things. Technology makes some things easier and can help us in many ways. I come from Finland which is in many ways a lot in head of things that many other countries, for example where I live now, Germany. There are things that I find really old fashioned and made hard, just because I’m used to something else.

I think I’m full of double standard too when it comes to these things. I like to think that I’m not like all others, I don’t like to keep my phone voice on, I never would speak in a public transportation, not really like to do it otherwise publicly because I don’t think my business is others at all. I like actually to have real human contact not only through some service, which is really funny to say because most of my closest or the most important friends to me are only available to me through some media service, because I live in another country than they. So I have gained some amazing contacts through some media services, but it has also taken me further of those real contacts.

In my journey to a better me, one thing has been the ability to calm down and enjoy simple and little things. I know that I have gotten better at it, but today I got good lesson in it with this phone thing. After realizing that there is nothing I can do and that I just have to wait for my bf to come home and try to fix it ( thank you for those skills), and that I also just have to go on with my life, I decided to go out for a long walk with my dog. Amazing idea which ended up me wanting to write about these feelings and thoughts that this subject brought up with me.

I always have my headphones on when I step out of the door, always! When I’m walking, running, riding my bike, walking with the dog, always. Know that I’m writing it here, it sounds so ridiculous. I don’t have them on if I’m with another person, that is little bit too much, but I have this need of being able to me on my own world and not hear what happens around me. Why?

Mostly because I don’t need to hear what other people do or talk, most of it is just things that I would never want to know. I love to listen to music, but is that good enough reason to not be open to what is going around me? I don’t think so.

One thing that came to my mind on my walk today without anything holding my senses, was that I am really vocal person. I talk a lot, since I was small. I’m able to say how I feel and those things are easy for me, I have loud voice and when I get excited it’s even louder. But there is this other side in me, which loves to stay quiet.

Other thing that I was thinking was that I am always in this mental hurry, because I’m used to everything being available, something happening all the time, something to look all the time, something different all the time to wire your brain. Not basically letting it rest and enjoy for any second.

How awesome was it to hear all the tiny and loud noises outside in the woods! Yesterday I said to my bf that I have to be able to conquer my fear of darkness and forrest together if I want to run an Ultra Marathon. But why am I so afraid of letting all those things come to me in their real way? It’s good for your soul to hear wind, water in rivers, dogs, birds, what ever. It’s good for the soul!

But why am I in a hurry all the time. Why do I need to know something all the time. Why I need to maybe share something? Why?

If I’m able to enjoy many things and have that smile on my face with music, could it be even better without? Probably…

I used to read a lot more than I do now, I have no idea really why I don’t read as much now, but I should. I love the way you get lost in a book. How you can learn something new with the real experience, not through internet. I love the smell of books. I would never want to read a book from some tablet. NO.

That is one thing I want to challenge myself to do more. There are many books that I really want to read, so let’s go!

If and when my phone starts to work again and when I can go back to my beloved Instagram, my life will go on, but I don’t want it to be the same. This is a time for me to learn something new and challenge myself. I want to try to use that device less, maybe try to have just some time in a day that I’m allowed to do it, because I will survive without it easily. Run without music and get to know the sounds and everything that is around me in a forrest, road, where ever I’m running. Just hear the world and be calmer. There are times when I can put those headphones on and listen my favorite music, but I don’t have to do it all the time. I don’t need to push all humane things as far as I can and live my life in a bubble, because that happens to us when we always have some kind of block around us.

I just want to learn something from this, not just go back to that same old ways. I don’t need to be like everyone else, while I can still have some of those things, and put photos on Instagram if I want to or write to my abroad living friends. That’s okay, but not all the time and they will be there few hours later or few days or weeks, and still I’m able to live my life.

More real, less blocking!

If I have wanted to live by the motto of “less is more”, then I have to do it every way, not just on those things I feel nicest. If I’m able to live with small amount of stuff, I’m able to live with small amount of time with my phone, that’s for sure.

More running, yoga, pilates, love, dog, friends, experiences. More real!

There’s really good video about this, and it has a good point, I could relate, even before my phone broke down ;).

Somehow this week is turning out to be amazing! 🙂 Not a bad thing for sure!

These past couple of weeks have been this massive change to my old way of living. I got a job, which in the beginning messed my whole rhythm because I work in the evening and I use to have really “calm” day rhythm. Last week I was just exhausted, my body was yelling from tiredness and just because I needed to adjust to this. But this week I’m getting in to this new thing, and it’s pretty nice!

And also these past weeks I have noticed so many really good changes in myself, how awesome is that! 🙂

It’s not only changes in my body, which is superb but also and mostly in my mind and how I deal with things. So all the hard work through past years has finally started to pay, BOOM!

But I also have to give shout out to my new amazing body, hihi! I have worked and worked and I get surprised every day with how proud I am with the results!

Have I ever been proud of my body and my mind like this, NO! So it is time for this :).

It’s awesome to be in stressful situation at work and realize that I’m able to be calm and just keep doing my best, not panic and start to mess up like before. And if it’s not the best day, still I know that tomorrow is a new day and I can do better, and it doesn’t mean that everything crushes down and I have to beat myself mentally because of that. It’s so nice to notice those changes in yourself.

I’m just in a positive place with myself and I love it and will keep going! 🙂

And fall is here! I love those nippy cold days with sun, lovelove!

I’m so hyped with positive energy now and the weather is perfect so I will go for a run! 🙂

Here’s some awesome websites that you should check, because they are inspirational, motivational and just pure BOOM!

http://reasontoplay.blogspot.de/

http://spikesandheels.com/why-i-dont-talk-about-weight-loss

http://tightclubvancouver.com/

Peace, Love and Run!

https://soundcloud.com/lovinghiphop/emeli-sande-ft-kendrick-lamar

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